Category: relationship advice

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Essay; There is Pressure on Women and Men to Hold Ourselves in Higher Esteem


But you don’t have to give in to the pressure just to feed men’s fantasy and lonliness if you’re a woman. I love being single.

I wrote this 7 years ago. It’s 2026 and people are still looking for it. I’m leaving it as is but I think my beliefs about this have changed.

zoosk

The reason being, in truth, every woman is a goddess. Some women feel and know this and many more don’t and are very dependent as opposed to being interdependent. That’s where the jealousy and the trouble come in for men. Men long for us to know how beautiful we are and some get very co-dependent with low self-esteem women trying to convince them that they need to love themselves. Women are love on the planet but if a woman doesn’t claim that it becomes hell on earth. Men are mere mortals wishing to be superheroes! Men that think they’re gods already are gay or bi-sexual and have incorporated the female principle into themselves to try to bring balance. And how do they act? Like a woman! Fine, but they are still males and can’t make a human being in their body. There’s that. A male truly becomes a god when he joins with a female and they have a child together. That is a powerful creation and males and females get credit for that. If it’s only one child, that may be more responsible in my view. Society should never denigrate procreation. It’s our main biological mandate on the planet and would completely throw us off as a species if we no longer valued children.gold tears klimt

“Men feel and view our bodies as heaven, paradise, light, love, sex, food, everything they want and need and they want and need to lose themselves in us.”

That is pressure on women. I am hearing that in every single modern day pop song sung by men. Women who watch it say, “ALL they want is SEX.”. To men, that’s the pinnacle on earth. That’s all there is or needs to be. That’s as happy as they can get. Like Bruno Mars sings, “Your sex takes me to paradise”. They mean it. Just because women are not that way doesn’t mean EVERYONE should be that way. To the extent to which society, Church, State, and women deny them the greatest heaven they can have is the degree to which they are frustrated, pissed, feeling upset and victimized and die early of heart disease. This issue has got to be seen and accepted by society about men and balanced with women taking care of themselves and making money.

They can’t be any different nor should they. Sex is love to them. What’s wrong with that? Nature IS love. The Earth IS love. The natural world IS love. I’m holistic so resisting that is what drives us nuts. It’s the reason our healthcare system, our planet, and our society are falling apart is the DENIAL OF THE BODY which MEN LOVE more than anything. So what is patriarchy but men trying NOT TO BE DENIED THEIR MANHOOD by every single institution in existence? I’m just guessing. Don’t send me hate mail, please. What are we saying to them and about ourselves when we tell them to stop wanting sex so much? You may as well ask them to stop breathing or the sun to stop shining. Well, that IS what we’re doing to the planet right now.

Like Rajesh said to Penny on “Big Bang Theory”, “You can’t ruin a friendship with sex. That’s like ruining a chocolate cupcake with sprinkles!” My god, I love that line. It epitomizes the difference between how men and women think. I think if men had their way, they’d have sex with anyone, anytime just to show their love. It’s analogous to women showing their love by hugging and talking! We do that all the time and think it’s fine. But you say, “You can’t get pregnant hugging someone.” There is the crux of the issue and the problem for men. So use birth control and have as much sex as you want. The other crux; women’s feelings.

This is unfathomable for people to believe, but it is only recently in human history that people realized that it takes the male sperm to cause conception and make a human being. Up until that time, early humans thought it was magic, we had matriarchy where men were just having sex with anyone they wanted with any woman and going from place to place spreading their sperm around. No one knew who the fathers were, the children didn’t know their fathers and there was no marriage. That was matriarchy and women dominated and raised the children in groups of women and children. The men were off separate with one another.

I’m not saying I personally like the polyamorous nature of most men. I’m a female with high self-esteem so I believe I have plenty, just me alone, for a man who truly adores me. I just don’t expect it from most men. A man who prefers bitches and whores with no emotional bonding or love is one himself! When a man I’m with lets me know those are his values then I think, “Ok, then you aren’t going to get me. You’re only going to get a weak woman with no self-esteem and don’t whine about it. You get what you are!” Men with high self-esteem are attracted to women with high self-esteem and he’s done being polyamorous. That’s another level of nature. Men at the lower level, don’t even try to tell me that monogamous men who adore women who are fully in tune with their bodies and feelings don’t exist. They do! I can provide a man with great, varied sex, great conversation, loyal love and more. Can you take being loved?

Patriarchy changed all of that and territory, The state, The Church, and the institution of the family were born. Now we call it civilization. Have we decided if this is good or bad yet? We know now that when a man and woman live together and fight, which they always do, it is very psychologically damaging to the child. So how great is it really for the father to live with the mother and the child or children in just the family unit? Statistics show men tend to be violent toward the women and children too (domestic violence). So, I don’t know if patriarchy is working. Add to that the men’s testosterone loves war, blowing stuff up, rape, and what have you and I’m not sure women’s paradise has civilized them nor should it. Besides, we deny it to them most of the time and just think they should work and make money. That’s not fair to men.

We need a new way where the nature of men and the nature of woman is balanced. We just don’t know what that is yet while keeping the planet in one piece.

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There are about 200 various ESSAY posts on here


I just calculated the cost to you per essay on here. There are 210 of them with great insights. The fee is $130.20 for ALL of THEM divided by 210 = $0.62 cents each. Seriously. I usually spend an hour or more writing an Essay so…

Before I posted on the brainy Mayan Time Harmonic, I was posting a lot of relationships and love essays. They have various topics such as Relationships, Sex, prose, mindset, Heartset, everyday intuition, and everyday spirituality. I will be adding more essays on the philosophical problems of A.I. and its effects on humanity. You will have access to those, too.

For one price, $131.20, you will get a password and access to all of them. They are all posted under” Essay” so you can search on that word and they will all come up. In the meantime, I will reblog one a day that is password protected.

I’ve been re-reading them, from say 2014 to 2020 and the issues between genders remain the same.

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Essay: Heartset; Love and Lust are a Two-Way Street (Freebie)


Both women and men love and lust. Women don’t just attract men with their loving relationship skills and men don’t just attract women with their constantly lusty energy. There are plenty of women who no longer believe in love and have just given in to the lust paradigm of hook-ups, use, and throw which is what most men engender. So the women just go along with it having experienced too many men who don’t seem to want to love or don’t know how to. The women are busier making money than teaching the men about feelings or loving them in friendship.

There are also plenty of loving, sensitive men who do want intimacy, bonding, and a monogamous relationship. The key is obviously to find the person who wants the same thing as you. And it’s hard for men to trust women when many women are very bitchy or downright abusive and mean. They don’t take care of themselves and are in no mood to be loving to a man.

It does seem to generally be true that men are very, very comfortable lusting after women and just going forward with that and wishing for the woman to cooperate. It’s also generally true that women are more relational and loving and draw men in with that warmth going forward and wish a man would cooperate with that. The problem is, most women will not just cooperate with pure lust in a relationship with no bonding and most men will not just cooperate with pure loving relational energy in a relationship with bonding. There has to be compromise.

The truth is men sorely, sorely need someone who they can express their deepest feelings with and feel safe; someone who will be their friend with whom they can talk. They need a relationship far more than a woman. That can happen with a kind woman. The truth is women sorely, sorely need hot, great sex that fulfills their physical needs with a man who cares how she physically and emotionally responds to sex. Sex is spiritual to most women! We need a man who will stimulate our lustiness! I have yet to meet a man who really wants to get to know my body and soul sexually. I’ve almost given up. I wonder if men feel the same way about expressing their feelings to a woman without her making fun of him?

I don’t know. What I do know is that a woman’s lusty self needs to be stimulated by a man and a man’s relational self needs to be stimulated by a woman. Then both of them will be more satisfied and turned on.

 

anima and animus

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Parsing Your Own Karma-Dharma Status Based on the Interplanetary Holon


Hit the “Dreamspell Calculator” button to find out your tribe and tone on the link below. There is no fudging on your birth gateway. That is your destiny line-up. You have a choice over the details regarding how it proceeds but not on the actual placement. Your gateway pulses to your astrology chart, which is a 3D manifestation. The Mayan Oracle is upper-density timelessness.

http://www.astrodreamadvisor.com/free_mayan_readings.html

Looking at it, karma is on the left and dharma on the right but in your body, it’s the opposite. The right side of your body expresses your karma and the left is your dharma.

It’s s good idea to make the most of your BodyTime on the planet by addressing your karma-dharma issues. Otherwise, you will endlessly be on the karmic wheel or hamster wheel as I see it. What a drag. Especially given how vast the universe is,  you could be checking out other digs.

There are many people for which life is like a hamster wheel. It might be you in which case, study your analog support. It can raise you up whether it’s an event or person. Look for and listen to your dharma teacher. Teachers will be in faithful service to your students. It’s paying it forward in gratitude.

Everyone is at a different point in their evolution and you are under no obligation to co-dependently try to help them if they are resisting. However, if you see that person often and a teachable moment comes up, it’s a good idea to say something as long as you believe they can hear it. Use your intuition for the teachable moment. The Tao Te Ching says, “What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher? What is a bad man but a good man’s work?”That’s karma and dharma in a nutshell.

We are each born to the planet as either a teacher of those who are asleep, or asleep ourselves and in need of a teacher. You know which one you are. The Tao uses the words good and bad but I’m not sure that’s in line with the heart of the universe. Good and bad are moralistic judgments whereas right and wrong are according to universal law.

Morality is just cultural mores, in my opinion, and doesn’t follow universal law. Religion is a perfect example. It’s moralistic, but it is not teaching universal truth. That’s the problem with religion. Religion teaches that a book and God are the sources of morals when actually it’s humans teaching their way, not God’s way.

Karma and Dharma between your Theme and Analog

Generally speaking, if you were born on the karmic side, starting with the sun tribe which is the left side looking at it but the right side of the body, you are here to learn, face your lessons, and use your analog energy to transform and be a good example to others. If you do teach, it’s by example when you’ve decided to face the situation or if you stay in shadow or go deeper into shadow you teach what NOT to do. That is just as valid.

If you were born on the dharmic prophetic side starting with White Dog at the bottom, you’ve already gone through many lifetimes and figured it out and made good choices. Don’t doubt yourself. “Been there done that.” You’re in dharma and here to teach what you’ve been through already. Kin on the dharmic side will tend to believe they’re not done with their karma yet when in fact they are so they are here to remember what they already achieved, let go of guilt and B.S and lead. They’re not done sharing what they’ve learned. The hindrance is karmic kins’ egos resisting being taught which is why they are still in the karma cycle. We all have universal support. We just have to call on it.

There is an issue on earth with respecting teachers bc people are little egos. It’s the root of addiction which is karma. We tend to kill the messenger, like a crucifixion. Your teachers are not better than you, they’re just in a different place in their evolution. Teachers can relate to those still steeped in their karma because we made those choices too and came out the other side! Don’t hate your teachers or be jealous! They’re here to remember and let go of their finished karma. They passed. No guilt. We are focused on the axis of the eternal present and if we keep punishing ourselves over karma we’re done with, we can’t focus on teaching very well.

The goal is for both sides of the holon to sit in the axis of the eternal present, the brain, and spine, and transcend both being a student and a teacher. I know that T9-12 in the spine refers to HF33 so keeping the muscles completely loose there may be helpful. Those nerve roots innervate the adrenal glands on top of the kidney and have much to do with the deterioration of the body Qi and stress. Also, L2 refers to White 4 Self-Existing Wizard which is self-existing timelessness. I believe that attribute resides in the body. Physical death isn’t necessary.

Let’s start at the top of the holon. This moves from karmic kin to your exact dharmic kin, left to right across from each other, although any dharmic kin can teach karmic kin. Just look at the top image to understand which kin needs to be close to you.

  • If you were born a karmic Yellow Sun kin you are here to learn to become enlightened. You are not yet enlightened even if you think you are. Your analog, Blue Storm is enlightened and is going to give you the gift and support of seeing and feeling your ability to Self-Generate in this lifetime. You will be presented over and over with events and people that will force you to take care of yourself and feel your power to step up and do good and LOVE. You may go through hell in mind, body and spirit while you get enlightened or the suffering will come and teach it another way.
  • If you were born a dharmic Blue Storm kin you are here to teach self-generation because you’ve already gone through the fire and the suffering that it takes to become enlightened. I know quite a few Blue Storm people and are they ever hopeful hippies with loving hearts. I love working with them as lightworkers. They use their karmic memory of the trauma of enlightenment (Yellow Sun) to relate to others in a compassionate way.
  • If you were born a karmic Red Dragon kin you are here to learn family bonding, loyalty and what being a mother or a parent is all about, good and bad. White Mirror kin are going to support and teach you to meditate more and to become more reflective and spiritual. After all, your spiritual family is not of blood and birth but of the spirit. You will meet or be presented with opportunities to deepen your spiritual life.
  • If you were born a dharmic White Mirror kin you are here to teach reflection and resonance of the 4th dimension and higher density frequencies with Earth ancestry, QI, primordial history, possibly eastern mysticism or Chinese and Hindu ways to those that are imprisoned by their idea of birth ancestry in the Red Dragon tribe. Your memory of your own trauma and clenching of family power and ancestry will help you relate to those that need your teaching.
  • If you were born a karmic White Wind kin, you are here to learn the art of communication inspired by Spirit and Synchronicity. The shadow of this kin is political rhetoric and lying. We see a lot of this in the world right now. You will be presented many times with exceptional sight or observation of synchronicity (anaolog Red Earth) to help you navigate spiritual communcation that is in the light, helpful, and not shadow. If you stoop to senseless ego motivation of greed, earthly power, unloving sex, manipulation etc, the syncronicity that comes will be karmic and swift since it’s locked in to the GPS of the Matrix. This hindrance is a bit dangerous right now because of technology.
  • If you were born a dharmic Red Earth kin, you are here to teach spiritual attunement to the holgraphic field,the Earth Cycles, the Body, Intuition and general cooperation with Life around us, especially to White Wind kin. A Red Earth kin is a sponge for the frequencies and energies running around the planet, the weather cycles, having weather-head, being very psychic with the earth which is shamanic stuff. You will be reminded by your karmic analog that chaotic communication is very damaging. The Tiamat accident (The asteroid belt) is a perfect example. You are teaching balance with digital tech vs. using THE BODY for telepathy and healing which is totally possible, safe, and higher quality.
  • If you were born a karmic Blue Night kin, you are here to learn to receive and create abundance in all it’s forms and dimensions. Your analog, Yellow Warrior attributes and kin will present themselves to you over and over while you incorporate their intelligent lessons into your life. Opportunities to increase your intelligence, questioning, courage and trustworthiness to increase your status will come forward. You can teach through shadow or struggle regarding what not to do; intellectural laziness, fearfullness and lawbreaking would be the case.
  • If you were born a dharmic Yellow Warrior Kin you are here to teach how to express yourself intelligently, to be socially fearless yet considerate of differences, good to your word, psychic, spiritual, high standards and pragmantic. You’ve already been through poverty and victimhood or were born into a family like that to help you to remember what you already finished. You don’t have to be like them! Be sure to let them go and stand in your individual power so you can teach.
  • If you were born a karmic Yellow Seed Kin you are here to learn to focus your awareness and expand your soul through compressed DNA (the body) in this lifetime. DNA is spiritual, not just family blood but you may have been born into a family hindered by that. You will meet Blue Eagle kin or be presented with the attributes of vision, using your mind to create, being more independent, a receiver, listening, scientific, over and over so you can incorporate them into your life. Losing any bias toward others whatsoever, dropping ancestral bias or resentment of family history and class, becoming more independent and rational is your destiny.
  • If you were born a dharmic Blue Eagle Kin you are here to teach open-mindedness, vision, mental focus on restoring harmony, DNA expansion and flying above the fray. You may have been born into “an old guard” or “old money” family that had many biases and indolence to remind you of what you already finished. Let them go and stand in your individual achievement so you can teach others to LISTEN and problem solve by gaining a different perspective rather than asserting their ego.
  • If you were born a karmic Red Serpent kin you are here to learn a more spiritual approach to sex and physical passion or just the body fire. You may have been born into a sexually inappropriate family where the boundaries were absent or karma with the females in the family being too domineering or matriarchal in reaction to overly patriarchal males. This kicks in the dysfunctional cycle where the women are controlling of the weak men. You will be presented over and over with White Wizard kin or their attributes of timelessness, receptivity, magician, heart-centered and psychic while you incorporate those lessons into your life. Family members and friends will be White Wizard kin.
  • If you were born a dharmic White Wizard kin you are here to teach spirituality beyond religion, more body and earth centered and a balance between female and male. You are a heart-knowing shaman and have already come through the karma of wrong use of the body and sex so you may have experienced some of that in your childhood to jog your memory of what you already know and can teach. Let it go and focus on teaching the positive aspects of passion and the body. White Wizard understands eros.
  • If you were born a karmic White Worldbridger kin you are here to learn to accept change and death in the Matrix as part of the deal here. It gives everyone equal opportunity to have it set up that way so no one vibration dominates the planet. It helps evolution. You will need to internalize the action of forgiveness and surrender to Synchronicity in the holographic field the multidimensional waves coming in and being disruptive and grounding yourself in Spirit to thrive. You will be presented over and over with having to ADJUST and adapt to movement and the need for you and those around you to wake up. Red Skywalker kin will be near you or the attributes coming forward to stimulate your lessons. Being more retiring as White WB, Red Skywalker with their high-handed and high-minded ways will likely bother you but they have much to teach you about accepting what comes. We bother everyone so no matter.
  • If you were born a dharmic Red Skywalker kin you are here to teach that earth is a place to explore and discover, not be complacent lest you be run over, distracted by the toys, or preyed on. We ask people to get moving and work on themselves, set boundaries, and develop courage when the time is right. There is no coddling here. Earth is just space and 4D manifestation only, it’s not full reality. We’re in a hologram and most are asleep to that fact. We are crusaders to form a connection between heaven and earth and have already done it in other lifetimes on other planets. Red SW will come upon kin that are rigid or stuck in their ways, resistant to change and need to be more independent. It’s important for Red SW to lead in whatever work they do and never feel guilty for knowing which way to go in dimensions one through four while others are blind. We are time travellers. You may have been born into a family focused on death and virtue signalling through suffering to jog your memory of being done with that. There is no need for it after you’ve learned that it doesn’t work to improve anything. Personal empowerment and action rules the day. God is in us, not out there, unconditionally. Any other teaching is incorrect.
  • If you were born a karmic Blue Hand kin, you are here to learn to be a healer, be accomplished and know that you know, not doubt yourself. Yellow human kin or their attributes will repeatedly come up forcing you to see that people have freewill no matter what you prefer, for good or ill and you can’t control it. Humans hold the grail, the chalice or vessel of higher power and influence. Being wise, responsible and a hard worker are good things. Accomplishment is not high degrees and letters behind your name. Being a farmer, harvester and abundant in friends and life is success. Don’t give up your independence.
  • If you were a born dharmic Yellow Human kin you are here to teach freedom, freewill, abundance, working hard to create what you need independently,  and being a straightforward down to earth person. You may be born into an atmosphere that is somehow restrictive or not demonstrative so you have to bounce back knowing that you are strong and have already accomplished much on a personality level in other life times. There are different kinds of intelligence and not all of it is book knowledge.
  • If you were born a karmic Yellow Star kin you are here to learn to be an artist and create beauty for a living which you will do very well being clever and energetic. However, you will have lessons that Blue Monkey can teach you and you will likely resist. Yellow Star cares very much about appearances, like all of the yellow kin. Social networking is Yellow Kin life-blood. Issues of integrity, honesty, social principle and applying yourself will come up over and over.
  • If you were born a dharmic Blue Monkey you are likely charismatic or a performer. Physically very attractive, Blue Monkey kin understands magic, chanelling and creating. You are here to teach the value of being lighthearted and less serious. Some of you are clowns but there is always magic in your sphere.
  • If you were born a karmic Red Moon kin you are probably an empath and extremely sensitive. Ignore others who criticize you for that. Mean criticism is not love and your analog is LOVE. That’s what you need. You have a special healing skill, are usually very psychic and dreamy and like to be alone. Red Moon needs to sit in their own space and remote view in the ether. Your purpose is to purify, flow and use Universal water to do it. You can also be quite funny. You are fantasy prone, mutable, aware and strong in feelings. Don’t get cynical about the severity on earth. Attract White Dog kin teach to you or a mate who is White Dog. They will stimulate your lessons about using your empathic healing ability to create love and loyalty in your own life without feeling like you have to defend yourself.
  • If you were born a dharmic White Dog kin you are here to teach Love, loyalty and heart-centeredness. You are a mellow, strong leader and good companion. You can be faithful, a team player and a joiner depending on your tone of creation. You benefit from teaching a Red Moon kin. They need your highest vibe. So if you haven’t remembered that you already went through Red Moon lessons they will stimulate your memory. There is no way that any White Dog kin needs to go through emotional upheaval or addiction. Let it go and sit in your open heart chakra to heal yourself.
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Essay; No Possession in Relationships


just because someone desires you.

I guess the saying above could apply to women and to men but women are quite a bit more pre-meditated in choosing which men to talk to and then sleep with. Our lust does not control our rationality, much to men’s dismay. Sometimes mine does but I’m working on curbing it now that I realize men fall in love easier than women do, even it’s just our breasts they’re in love with.

This is especially the case for women of reproductive age. So mostly, this applies to women. Just because a man desires you doesn’t mean he values you. For men, this could say, “Just because a woman likes to talk to you doesn’t mean she values you or loves you.” But if SHE SAID she loves she does. We don’t say that lightly.

If people are not possessions then relationships with them cannot be assessed like an insurance adjustor would assess the damage done to a car.

Loss Adjuster Inspecting Car Involved In Accident
I’m following up on my previous post “Bonding Instead of Possession”, and suggesting a compromise between men’s dualistic approach to relationships which is either promiscuity or possession. Analyzing a relationship is not akin to being an insurance claims adjustor. It’s a matter for your HEARTSET to assess the situation which entails your feelings and then use intuition since feelings only lead to intuition which is the higher mind. No one is called to act on, indulge, or hold on to their feelings. Feelings are supposed to lead to the movement of Mind and Heart so we can make informed choices. You can’t leave out Heart or Mind or it will fail. That’s the whole point of knowing your feelings and it’s not minor. The Intuition leads to the higher mind and the rational leads to the lower mind. One is fast, one is slow. I didn’t figure that out, the scientists did, nor do I really like the situation but that seems to be the way the brain is laid out for now until we evolve differently.

Promiscuity or possession is an all or nothing approach, a decisive approach that actually is emotional, even passionate based on physical lust, need, and desire, not love.

Why is it considered normal and acceptable for men to not want a relationship but not women? Many women, including me, like being single, but I like friendship, love, and sex but I don’t want to be in a relationship. I like my absolute freedom and need it. I also like monogamy but only if the man doesn’t go overboard.

Can a man process all of that and accept that I don’t want to possess or control him and he can’t possess or control me?

So far, no.

Now in 2025, I think there are unique circumstances where two people love each other and want to be together. You have to go with the flow. But if STAFF and FAMILY or money are interfering with two people being together that is PURE EVIL. The universe needs to intercede and synchronicity needs to control the situation. There is no stronger magnet on earth than love.💞

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Intuition and Love


You-cannot-love-without-intuition.-Graham-GreeneThis one floored me when I saw it. What do you think?

The first question I asked myself was “Why is this true?” The quote is attributed to Graham Greene. There are several to be found online and I’m not sure which one he is but those listed are all artists of some type.

I personally agree that we cannot love without intuition because intuition has its source in the unconscious mind, the Id, sex, chaos, passion, wild emotion, dreams and so forth. When we really love someone it’s a powerful draw, magnetic, a longing. In my case, it’s possible destiny. Sometimes the person shows up in our dreams. This is a psychic event as in psyche and not simply lust. I have experienced this. Have you? I want to know if you have. Tell me about it.

There is no rational reason why you are so drawn to this person. But many times there are synchronicities. I’ve blogged on here about my twin flame which was highly surrounded in synchronicity and still is. We’re still in touch, talked a lot last week, and he is being a little warm but nothing major. And another man is in my psychic space that I haven’t fleshed out yet. We haven’t met but I’d like to meet him. I’m not in love with him though as I am with my Twin Flame. Both of them have been in my dreams and are not just issues of lust so I know they are hooked to my psyche.

The Id, which is below the subconscious ego is also basically the lower body, below the navel. From a man’s perspective, of course, you cannot love without intuition because, for them, they cannot love without sex. That begs the question, “Is sex the seat of a man’s intuition?” I never thought of that but it makes sense. Let me know if you think that’s the case. Women will be floored if that’s true. I need the men to let me know if sex is intuitive for you. I better stop there. As a woman, sex is not intuitive for me. The seat of my intuition is chakras 6, 5, and 4 (third eye, throat, and heart)

I hope I hear from you.

Lisa T.

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Essay; When a Man Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship…or woman


It means no woman has ever loved him, or man her, enough to show him what a loving relationship is with the right woman. And on a base level, he can’t want a relationship if he doesn’t really know what it is. She has to be diligent and willing to do the work. She has to understand that men cannot be expected to understand intimacy because they’re not women and they’re not gay. You have to teach them. If you’re not willing to do that then you’ll never get what you’re seeking with a straight man or you will remain single. I know I was not willing to work on a man in my youth and paid the price by not picking the best father for my child. The training part comes from a woman if he shows some attraction to you. Men do not naturally understand love from the heart. They understand love from the body.

The next big question is, as a woman, do you know what intimacy is? Are you good at bonding? Not all women are even though we’re hard-wired for it. Everyone knows women excel at relationships, talking, communicating, bonding, and intimacy. Everyone also knows men have no clue. Men are naturally polyamorous wanting the next woman in heat unless they’re loved somewhere else. In no way should women be in denial about this. Men have not evolved to understand any of this. Men are waiting to be wanted and loved like a stray dog unless they are completely wounded and cynical by their upbringing. In that case, look elsewhere. Also, they can tell whether you really want them or not if your intention is just to use him. Of course, some women who aren’t good at bonding, do that and then it’s just hook-up after hook-up by two wounded people.

If you know you are in love with a man, you’re going to have to subtly show him on many different levels what love with you could mean for him. Would he want that? What are you bringing to the table? Only start this if you are sure you want to hook him. If you hook him and try to throw him back in when he’s already jumped on your hook, you’ll break his heart and he’ll never recover. That is bad karma for women.

The tricky part is to make sure the really good ones are trainable. The good ones are usually very intelligent, successful, confident, clean looking, and healthy. They know how to take care of themselves. I would say 80% of men are none of that and I refuse to deal with them. At the age of 57, only 5% are available or widowed.

It’s a roaring crapshoot to say whether or not a successful man at 57 who has never married or had children is trainable or not. And if he’s never been in a successful, committed relationship and reproduced, can he be considered successful? If he’s been in a couple long term monogamous relationships I count that as marriage whether it was formalized or not. The paper doesn’t matter. But not having children and knowing how to parent is very, very suspect to most women.

It might be high time he found a dog house and someone to sleep with at night. It’s just that no woman could ever put up with some of his traits, or he’s highly unusual and no woman has ever understood and loved him. I tend to go for those men. I don’t particularly like this state of affairs as it doesn’t appeal to my egalitarian idealism but after what I’ve seen, I think it’s the truth.

Good Luck.

man and woman

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Essay; Misconceptions About Strong Women


load the star

Strong women have been broken and usually ripped to shreds and used by family, death, life, employers, and the opposite sex and don’t sink to the bottom, use others cynically or crack up. They remain open, brave, active warriors on this very difficult planet that says “Love” all the time but doesn’t do it. They do it and it bears fruit. They understand that forgiveness is for their good, not the abuser and they don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.

The misconceptions are:

We are independent, not interdependent

We are not usually independent we are interdependent. Interdependent means we depend on others and they depend on us. We count on the people we live and work with to do self-care also so we can depend on them when we need them. We take care of ourselves so they can depend on us when they need us. This creates trust and function. It’s called adult reciprocity.

It’s harder for a man to live or bond to us

It’s impossible for a weak man to even get our attention. We are attracted to strong, self-contained men and there aren’t very many to choose from. What is weak? Poor health, poor looks, poor hygiene, poor social skills, bad teeth, poor finances, wears a baseball cap all the time, wears a suit all the time, wears sunglasses all the time, hides behind religion, cares about his orgasm more than mine, looking for a hook-up, no relationship skills, doesn’t respect women or to spend friendship time with one, believes women have their place, feels women are too controlling.

It’s exceptionally easy for a good, strong, interdependent man to live or bond with a strong woman because she’s trustworthy. Is he? She’s always there for herself and others so she’ll be there for you. You can’t really take advantage or get one over on her and she has no time to control you because she’s busy controlling her own life. Sounds sexy to me.

We need others less than most people

The truth is we really struggle to find women who aren’t jealous or won’t compete with us, who love and like us and care about our struggles and weaknesses and who haven’t sacrificed themselves lock, stock, and barrel to a spouse or family or latched themselves to a partner that defines them. We have fewer friends than most people because we tend to be dissed by most women and men so the truth is, we need people more. We also tend to invest a large amount of energy in our work.

We’re high maintenance

We are high maintenance for ourselves, not for others. Egotistical women are high maintenance. Strong women expect the most from themselves, not from others. We don’t usually expect anything from others unless they love us, understand us or offer. It’s very rare that anyone does. We’re actually the lowest maintenance person because we take care of ourselves…all the time. We actually have no choice given our values of integrity and how broken we’ve been by being kind to those that hate themselves and are looking to get, get, get, and take, not give.

We’re bitches

Strong women are confident, kind and liberal. They are not cruel and controlling. Strong women are the most loving, kind, empathic, considerate people I know and because we’re not centered in ego, others think we’re foolish or chumps. Wrong. Egotistical women are bitches and sit in their woundedness, getting revenge when they can. That’s weak. There is nothing worse on the planet than a cruel, foolish, ignorant woman. Strong women want to empower others and themselves with their work and believe in the gifts of the spirit.

We’re selfish

If you define selfish with a capital “S” then we are always working to be sitting in our Higher Self. We won’t let negativity, resentment, the past, and followers bring us down or dissuade us from our mission. We tend to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Selfish with a small “s” are usually women still stuck in their adolescence developmentally for whatever reason. It’s important for men to think about their previous relationships and decipher whether she was selfish and not project that onto a strong woman.

Strong women spend a lot of time alone because we need to replenish our energy from the joy of giving to others and taking care of ourselves at the same time. Most of us are never lonely and enjoy being single. That is the case for me. We welcome friends or partners that won’t compete, be jealous, try to put their thumb on us or break our backs to make themselves look bigger but we usually do end up alone while everyone climbs the human dog pile to see if they can get to the top and snag the trophy that means nothing to us.