Category: Relationships

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Essay: The Word “Truth” Should be Taken Out of our Spoken Language


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Essay; When a Man Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship…or woman


It means no woman has ever loved him, or man her, enough to show him what a loving relationship is with the right woman. And on a base level, he can’t want a relationship if he doesn’t really know what it is. She has to be diligent and willing to do the work. She has to understand that men cannot be expected to understand intimacy because they’re not women and they’re not gay. You have to teach them. If you’re not willing to do that then you’ll never get what you’re seeking with a straight man or you will remain single. I know I was not willing to work on a man in my youth and paid the price by not picking the best father for my child. The training part comes from a woman if he shows some attraction to you. Men do not naturally understand love from the heart. They understand love from the body.

The next big question is, as a woman, do you know what intimacy is? Are you good at bonding? Not all women are even though we’re hard-wired for it. Everyone knows women excel at relationships, talking, communicating, bonding, and intimacy. Everyone also knows men have no clue. Men are naturally polyamorous wanting the next woman in heat unless they’re loved somewhere else. In no way should women be in denial about this. Men have not evolved to understand any of this. Men are waiting to be wanted and loved like a stray dog unless they are completely wounded and cynical by their upbringing. In that case, look elsewhere. Also, they can tell whether you really want them or not if your intention is just to use him. Of course, some women who aren’t good at bonding, do that and then it’s just hook-up after hook-up by two wounded people.

If you know you are in love with a man, you’re going to have to subtly show him on many different levels what love with you could mean for him. Would he want that? What are you bringing to the table? Only start this if you are sure you want to hook him. If you hook him and try to throw him back in when he’s already jumped on your hook, you’ll break his heart and he’ll never recover. That is bad karma for women.

The tricky part is to make sure the really good ones are trainable. The good ones are usually very intelligent, successful, confident, clean looking, and healthy. They know how to take care of themselves. I would say 80% of men are none of that and I refuse to deal with them. At the age of 57, only 5% are available or widowed.

It’s a roaring crapshoot to say whether or not a successful man at 57 who has never married or had children is trainable or not. And if he’s never been in a successful, committed relationship and reproduced, can he be considered successful? If he’s been in a couple long term monogamous relationships I count that as marriage whether it was formalized or not. The paper doesn’t matter. But not having children and knowing how to parent is very, very suspect to most women.

It might be high time he found a dog house and someone to sleep with at night. It’s just that no woman could ever put up with some of his traits, or he’s highly unusual and no woman has ever understood and loved him. I tend to go for those men. I don’t particularly like this state of affairs as it doesn’t appeal to my egalitarian idealism but after what I’ve seen, I think it’s the truth.

Good Luck.

man and woman

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Essay: Heartset; The Truth Controlled as a Weapon for Materialism-Part 1


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Essay; You Have to Reach Out to Him First


zoosk

Zoosk again. *Sigh*. I had a male friend say, “I think currently, men want to you to reach out to them first.” “Oh really? It wasn’t like that when I was younger. So that’s changed over time.”

Ok. Not a problem. I know who appeals to me and who doesn’t so that’s what I did. My profile is nice and honest. I’m not negative at all. My pictures are pretty.

I get a ton of views and troll-like men sending hearts but a few good ones. I respond. When I get chatted up by a decent, clean, intelligent guy, I’m happy to meet for coffee as long as he doesn’t have a gigantic cross hanging around his neck.

I’m only interested in spiritual guys; no religion. Religion is just an emotional cover for addiction. The maturity timeline goes like this; active addict believes nothing and resents his family, then religious and sober forgave his family, then sober, self-defined, independent from family and spiritual. It is extremely rare to find a male at the 3rd level but that’s all I have time for.

Now coffee is barely happening. They don’t show up or follow-up to set it up!!!

It’s just coffee!! What is so serious and weird for a guy emotionally about coffee? I’m mystified. There is no fantasy here. We’re just meeting each other.

I’ve heard that men are so insecure that they “hope” you’ll like them. Well, how can I know if you don’t show up for an agreed-upon date? Fear of rejection?

I guess their egos are so fragile that the prospect of getting shot down by a beautiful, intelligent woman is too scary? Wow. There is no woman I know who has so much ego invested in a hot, smart guy that she’d lay her self-esteem on the line for his approval or non-approval. Why are you guys so down on yourselves?

Can you just relax? I think they think women like me are monsters. I really don’t know.

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Essay; Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today


Expansion-Paige Bradley
The sculptor is Paige Bradley

 

This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.

Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women

This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;

“Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.

It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”

Comment by anon;

“It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.

Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.

“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.

These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.

I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.

By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”

I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.