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Essay: Heartset; There’s No One Left. I’m Alone. (Freebie)


It has finally happened after twenty years. I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’ mon, let’s go to the store”.

My son’s dad died nine years ago…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see his father respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.

Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.

Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.

On his way out, of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself and being a female, that is unacceptable and taboo. I wonder if he thought of the effect of his words on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age. I’ve been called selfish alot because I’m independent and have my own life that I share with a few people who don’t ask me to stop loving physics and time science just because I’m a girl.

But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.

It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.

Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.

It’s like this secret I have as a sixty two-year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth-worshipping culture, female-sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up. “Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?” (My mother keeps literally asking that as though she’s waiting for me to fall) “She’s Selfish!” they cry. With a capital “S” not a small “s”. There is the low self and the Higher Self. No. I just don’t believe in aging and atrophy. I don’t follow programming.

Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.

I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.

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“Molecules of Emotion”, Chapter 12-Healing Feeling


Molecules of Emotion cover

Chapter 12, page 250;

She’s in Southern California now hanging out with the progressive, spiritual folks.

“Here in California there seems to be room for a consideration of the spiritual dimension of health, which can encompass such elements as prayer, energy flow, distant healing, and psychic phenomena, to name but a few.”

The time period was post-NIH when she felt unsupported and maligned, so her friend Nancy taught her a type of protective mantra that focuses the mind and the Qi. I do this with my own patient’s as well who are going through very difficult circumstances with work or divorce. When your habitual thought and emotions go negative, it goes right into your cells. Which cells it goes into depends on which thoughts and feelings you’re running. None of it is good for you or your body. I get rid of the rocks in my patient’s shoulders and they return with them again if they don’t stop the mental/emotional habit. Holistic medicine is about real change; not pills. We have scads of scientific evidence backing it up. It’s important to set your boundaries and protect yourself between treatments. We call that mindfulness or self-care.

She felt good about doing it on an intuitive level and called it, “extracorporeal peptide reaching, a form of emotional resonance that happens when receptors are vibrating together in seemingly separate systems. This was before the term subtle energy had been introduced to describe a still mysterious fifth force beyond the four conventional forces of physics; electromagnetic energy, gravity, and weak and strong nuclear forces.”

She then gets into a conversation about how the information has changed our concepts.

“We have to make a distinction between the metaphor of matter and energy and that of information”, her friend Gottesman said. “The older metaphor deals with matter, force, energy, and is expressed in Einstein’s famous formula connecting those elements E=mc2. While these terms are useful for building locomotives and bridges, even atomic bombs, they are not so useful for understanding the human body. Physical processes aren’t things, they are dynamic and take place in an open fluid system, and therefore fit better with the metaphor of information than that of matter and force.”

I absolutely see this as well in my office. My patients don’t hesitate one bit when I suggest that what they’ve been through and continue to hold to as far as a mental and emotional habit is causing the problem in the tissue that I’m holding in my hand. Once they realize it, they can let it go. How do I know what the energy is? Part of it is listening, part of my work is intuition. When dealing with the body, intuition is vital.

He goes on; “Today, the concept of information is replacing energy and matter as the common denominator for understanding all biological life and even environmental processes.” Dr. Pert says, “Yes, and the neuropeptides and receptors are the biochemicals we call information molecules, they are using a coded language to communicate via a mind-body network. They are in the process of information exchange, having a two-way conversation-very different from what happens when there is a one-way push from behind, the way force works.”

Well, our modern healthcare system hasn’t caught up with all of this science one bit, which came out in the late nineties. And here it is 2017. Why should we believe anything they recommend. They’re not updated.

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Molecules of Emotion: Health-The Network of Mind IN the Cells


steven-holl-shadow-art
Steven Holl-Shadow Art

Chapter 9 of “The Molecules of Emotion” gets juicy. Dr. Pert says, on page 185

“The three classically separated areas of neuroscience, endocrinology, and immunology with their various organs-the brain; the glands; and the spleen, bone marrow, and lymph nodes are actually joined to each other in a multidirectional network of communication linked by information carriers known as neuropeptides.

“…it might make more sense to emphasize the perspective of psychology rather than of neuroscience, for the term psycho clearly conveys the study of mind, which encompasses but also goes beyond the study of the brain. I like to speculate that what the mind is, is the flow of information as it moves among the cells, organs, and systems of the body…the mind as we experience it is immaterial, yet it has physical substrate, which is both the body and the brain.”

Molecules of Emotion cover“The mind, then, is that which holds the network together, often acting below our consciousness, linking and coordinating the major systems and their organs and cells in an intelligently orchestrated symphony of life.  This view of the organism as an information network departs radically from the old Newtonian, mechanistic view where we saw the body in terms of energy and matter. But there is intelligence running things.  Intelligence in the form of information running all the systems and creating behavior.”

Creating behavior?  Now there is where I part ways with her.  My son, who is studying psychology believes our behavior is determined by chemicals in the brain. That makes him, and those who agree with him, materialists. Many people believe our behavior is pre-determined or determined, that there is no real choice or free-will.  Frankly, this seems to be the central debate as we are squarely in the high-tech age, moving from Newtonian materialism to Einstein quantum states where something we see only exists because we see it collectively.  It doesn’t exist in and of itself, by itself.

What do your intuition and experience tell you here?  How has your life unfolded?  My life has taught me that I create my reality and my body condition by the habitual feeling, beliefs, and thoughts that I run. So I check myself every day. It’s called mindfulness. While I am part of an agreed-upon collective mind field as I look out my office window at the snow-covered roofs, my individual perception, interpretation, feeling, and thought processes are chosen by me.  Am I kidding myself?  Am I just a puppet on a string? Or are we truly at choice?

It makes no sense to believe we’re puppets. Otherwise, our lives would all be the same and unfold in a gentrified fashion and have no meaning or differentiation. There is an observation! Many people’s live ARE gentrified because they are not acting on their power to choose; free will. It is possible to abrogate your rights in the universe and then your mind goes into default mode, programmed by your family, Facebook, and CNN and you are part of the herd mentality. There are a thousand ways to free yourself from that and uplift your mind. Follow your intuition.

While it’s true that in my personal life, death/change has been a constant around me, it’s not something I chose to happen; I’ve witnessed it happening to others first hand. The universe allowed it to occur around me for a reason or maybe I did. However, my individual choices are indeed the reason I find myself in my current situation. It’s all good.

My mind is run by my intuition 24/7 and always has been, for as long as I can remember. Personally, I feel like I live in a kaleidoscope. When others see static sameness, I see and feel minute details of an ever-changing landscape of colors, vibes, temperatures, shapes, dimensions, and souls coming and going. Even sitting still, I feel in my body that life around me on earth is a dance of changes in light and shadow and I interpret them as quickly as I can and respond.

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If We’re Not Thinking in Dreams…


earth magnetic portals - hidden

They know by studying the brain that we are not “thinking” while we sleep.

If I’m not thinking, then where are the people, places, voices, words, events, and feelings coming from? It’s not exactly like watching a movie; it’s more like an opaque, frenetic cloud that’s really alive.

I’m free in my dreams to sit back or join in, to interact or be quiet without judgment. Waking life is a dream for me. All day, while I’m “awake”, I’m trying to go back to my dream state to remember how I felt, who I saw, and what happened. It feels like there is a whole other life full of etheric information for me there. Waking life feels like just a resonance is a type of magnetic can; the kind you string together.

Where did I go? I know it was a good place because it affects my day, depending on where I went that night.

I’m not saying I don’t like it here, on earth, but the other side does beckon somehow. I’m a bit glad of that for when my body is worn to a frazzle at one-hundred and four years old, my work is done, it will be easy to drift off and say, “My work here is done.  I’m out.”  My senses and my body still want to drink in all that earth has to offer though, right now.

Earth is fabulous, no matter how hard it can get here.

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Prose; Sweet Earth


fall leaves

The smell of the grass, the trees, the fresh air in my lungs, the blood coursing through my body; that is sweet.

The physical presence of the soil beneath my feet and the sunlight in my eyes, that is true earthly sweet love and nurturing.

Humans aren’t there most of the time for each other anymore-especially when things are going well. Our culture has taken peoples time and minds from earthly awareness so that we are lucky to see each other for one hour a month if that.  I’m not going to make myself sick just so people will come running to me, keep me company, and nurture me while I lie there. How is that companionship? I thought people who loved you wanted to share good times with you, not just bad?

The earth and my body are there for me constantly and give to me all the time, even when I’m confident and feeling really happy. The Earth doesn’t abandon me when I’m happy or treat me like a barking dog because I’m a woman that speaks up! I honor and think of the earth all the time in return.

I’m in love with the Earth. That is my sustenance, healing, and love. I guess it will remain so until I’m done here.

 

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Prose; Wanting to Be Right


very cool lemniscateWhy do we want to be right all the time?

Why do I want to be right most of the time?

Why do I glee over saying, “See, I was right!”

Because we doubt ourselves too much so we are reassuring ourselves by saying it.

Because others who doubt themselves doubt us and say it!

Because others project their experience of being shunned for being or doing something that was wrong, onto us.

Because “if you make a mistake, you are forgiven”, isn’t widely practiced.

So, now I try to catch myself and say, “Lisa, do what you feel, study what you feel, write what you feel and use the best skill you’ve got.  That’s all you can do.”  I’ve got a lot of skill and I’ve paid the piper so I have no reason to doubt myself.  Whether anyone will listen and understand has never proven to be plentiful. So what?

And now, when someone criticizes me harshly when I meant absolutely no harm and never do, I know that they have not forgiven themselves for being wrong or someone else has not forgiven them for being wrong or vice versa.

It closes the heart.

Wow, the feeling of being around someone with a closed heart and lots of conditions, or an open heart and few conditions, is night and day.