Category: intimacy

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Essay: Define “Lover”. No Possession? Possession? Territory?


I want comments on this freebie! What do you think?

 

3 nested heartsIt’s a friendship middle ground where men are still free to roam and women are still free to roam emotionally and physically also because we don’t need the ego validation of being the center of someone’s world or possession. In fact, the last thing I want is someone to need me that much. It’s dependency! We should all take care of ourselves. Otherwise, it seems to me you’re still looking for a mommy or daddy. We all need to get over that. That, and I really need to sleep alone and roll around in my queen bed. I suppose a remedy could be a King bed.

So, speaking as a woman, I will have friendship feelings for you during sex and that’s all. I think that’s the biggest and best connection you can have with a man. You’re friends! Yes, I will love you as my friend. How can love be any better than that? And I would make it clear to a man I was going to be with that in no way are there strings attached physically but we have a friendship agreement. That is all. There will be no use or just sucking sexual energy from the woman and dumping her like a hooker. That’s a hookup. Women who do that to men should not do that either if you want a lover. Friends don’t use each other. So, it really is in the woman’s purview to make sure you really feel like you have some type of friendship with a guy before you have sex with him. I don’t think guys know how to create that. You would never have sex on a first date if you seek lovers and friends.

Obviously, every woman and man is different in how they might define it. I also find it doubtful that a man would call a woman he has sex with his lover but he should. He would say “girlfriend” because I think men tend to be more territorial over a woman’s body than we are with them. But to a woman who is a free spirit that is too heavy on the territory and social obligation. There is no way I want a boyfriend or a husband which is almost the same thing minus the paper. Women that are busy, work, have projects, business and ideas in no way need or want to invest most of their time in a relationship. I’m not going to babysit or be nursemaid to a man. I don’t need to or want to. I want us to be friends as equals; no possession.

A lover is not friends with benefits because sex with warmth, love, and friendship is real sex which is a very big deal to a woman. It’s not just a benefit you’d receive like a job benefit. There is no territorial or legal claim, no possession. You actually dig each other and each other’s bodies and sexual energy. That’s it. No obligations. You usually agree you can have another lover if desired. In order to leave it out of hookup territory let’s say only one other lover. It’s not polyamorous which is hookup defecation sex. If you’re all friends, the body types match and you’re mature, that could turn into a menage-a tois. Why not?

That’s a lover. It’s not a hookup with a stranger, not defecation sex, you’re not just friends although that’s included, you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, there are no social contracts, and you don’t want or need marriage or a relationship to corral, define, or control you or continue to play out your family of birth psychodrama. It’s empowering for a woman who has her own life. As dramatic, territorial and emotional as men get about sex and the body, they don’t usually like this setup. Again, it’s similar to the way my young son got when I was talking on the phone to someone else. Well, take it or leave it because I won’t be possessed by any man absent real love which is usually quite fickle or non-existent for them. Men and women in a relationship need to become more equal or don’t feign a relationship at all.

 

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Essay; There is Pressure on Women to Hold Ourselves in Higher Esteem


“Women, love and honor yourself even if by the societal view you are a freak, brilliant, ugly or super beautiful, fit or not fit. If you’re not average, other women will be jealous and you’ll need to live with that.”

zoosk

The reason being, in truth, every woman is a goddess. Some women feel and know this and many more don’t and are very dependent as opposed to being interdependent. That’s where the jealousy and the trouble come in for men. Men long for us to know how beautiful we are and some get very co-dependent with low self-esteem women trying to convince them that they need to love themselves. Women are love on the planet but if a woman doesn’t claim that it becomes hell on earth. Men are mere mortals wishing to be superheroes! Men that think they’re gods already are gay or bi-sexual and have incorporated the female principle into themselves to try to bring balance. And how do they act? Like a woman! Fine, but they are still males and can’t make a human being in their body. There’s that. A male truly becomes a god when he joins with a female and they have a child together. That is a powerful creation and males and females get credit for that. If it’s only one child, that may be more responsible in my view. Society should never denigrate procreation. It’s our main biological mandate on the planet and would completely throw us off as a species if we no longer valued children.
gold tears klimt

“Men feel and view our bodies as heaven, paradise, light, love, sex, food, everything they want and need and they want and need to lose themselves in us.”

That is pressure on women. I am hearing that in every single modern day pop song sung by men. Women who watch it say, “ALL they want is SEX.”. To men, that’s the pinnacle on earth. That’s all there is or needs to be. That’s as happy as they can get. Like Bruno Mars sings, “Your sex takes me to paradise”. They mean it. Just because women are not that way doesn’t mean EVERYONE should be that way. To the extent to which society, Church, State, and women deny them the greatest heaven they can have is the degree to which they are frustrated, pissed, feeling upset and victimized and die early of heart disease. This issue has got to be seen and accepted by society about men and balanced with women taking care of themselves and making money.

They can’t be any different nor should they. Sex is love to them. What’s wrong with that? Nature IS love. The Earth IS love. The natural world IS love. I’m holistic so resisting that is what drives us nuts. It’s the reason our healthcare system, our planet, and our society are falling apart is the DENIAL OF THE BODY which MEN LOVE more than anything. So what is patriarchy but men trying NOT TO BE DENIED THEIR MANHOOD by every single institution in existence? I’m just guessing. Don’t send me hate mail, please. What are we saying to them and about ourselves when we tell them to stop wanting sex so much? You may as well ask them to stop breathing or the sun to stop shining. Well, that IS what we’re doing to the planet right now.

Like Rajesh said to Penny on “Big Bang Theory”, “You can’t ruin a friendship with sex. That’s like ruining a chocolate cupcake with sprinkles!” My god, I love that line. It epitomizes the difference between how men and women think. I think if men had their way, they’d have sex with anyone, anytime just to show their love. It’s analogous to women showing their love by hugging and talking! We do that all the time and think it’s fine. But you say, “You can’t get pregnant hugging someone.” There is the crux of the issue and the problem for men. So use birth control and have as much sex as you want. The other crux; women’s feelings.

This is unfathomable for people to believe, but it is only recently in human history that people realized that it takes the male sperm to cause conception and make a human being. Up until that time, early humans thought it was magic, we had matriarchy where men were just having sex with anyone they wanted with any woman and going from place to place spreading their sperm around. No one knew who the fathers were, the children didn’t know their fathers and there was no marriage. That was matriarchy and women dominated and raised the children in groups of women and children. The men were off separate with one another.

I’m not saying I personally like the polyamorous nature of most men. I’m a female with high self-esteem so I believe I have plenty, just me alone, for a man who truly adores me. I just don’t expect it from most men. A man who prefers bitches and whores with no emotional bonding or love is one himself! When a man I’m with lets me know those are his values then I think, “Ok, then you aren’t going to get me. You’re only going to get a weak woman with no self-esteem and don’t whine about it. You get what you are!” Men with high self-esteem are attracted to women with high self-esteem and he’s done being polyamorous. That’s another level of nature. Men at the lower level, don’t even try to tell me that monogamous men who adore women who are fully in tune with their bodies and feelings don’t exist. They do! I can provide a man with great, varied sex, great conversation, loyal love and more. Can you take being loved?

Patriarchy changed all of that and territory, The state, The Church, and the institution of the family were born. Now we call it civilization. Have we decided if this is good or bad yet? We know now that when a man and woman live together and fight, which they always do, it is very psychologically damaging to the child. So how great is it really for the father to live with the mother and the child or children in just the family unit? Statistics show men tend to be violent toward the women and children too (domestic violence). So, I don’t know if patriarchy is working. Add to that the men’s testosterone loves war, blowing stuff up, rape, and what have you and I’m not sure women’s paradise has civilized them nor should it. Besides, we deny it to them most of the time and just think they should work and make money. That’s not fair to men.

We need a new way where the nature of men and the nature of woman is balanced. We just don’t know what that is yet while keeping the planet in one piece.

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Essay; Interpreting Warmth from a Woman


Warm behavior doesn’t mean anything! Being warm, smiling, happy, and beautiful is normal for almost all women, but don’t expect it or ask us to smile or you’ll get our wrath; especially lately. It’s no different than men casually hitting on a woman in a predatory manner, staring at her breasts or crotch, or offering to have an affair with her because he’s bored with his current woman. Those sexual behaviors all mean nothing to a man too. He’s just being normal. 🤪

But they do to us! Just like our warmth and smile means something to you. We are warm and smile at everyone!

We are beautiful, loving creatures that like to wiggle our stuff, put on makeup sometimes, and be feminine. We do it for us because it’s natural, not for you. She is saying nothing at all about how she feels about you.

I said this to a guy in Chicago that I was seeing in my twenties and he refused to believe me. That is patriarchy manipulating men’s brains and egos and thus, some women are able to manipulate men to believe that we set up our bodies and looks for you. We actually do it to compete with other women to show we can get the man we like.

Here is something to ponder then. When a man doesn’t predominantly hit on you but instead is a gentleman, respectful, warm, spends time with you and wants to talk to you, that must mean something more. I’m guessing. This male behavior is akin to a woman showing you her real feelings, thoughts, and inner self; not just all the girly warm stuff. She trusts that you’re interested in her as a person, not just boobs and pussy. Or, she doesn’t mind you seeing her without make-up or naked. Now it’s getting intimate. Do you see how it flipped? The man tuned into the feminine inner nature and the woman her outer sexual physical truth which is male.

Men have a hard time interpreting how a woman feels, especially if he is or has been attracted to her in any way. At worst, he’s given up and ignores the issue. The fact that he can’t control or accurately interpret her behavior, in general, is obviously emasculating. After all, the greatest male urge is to have access to a woman’s body, especially if she is novel to him. At the very least, if he continues to be attracted to her in some way, he’s got to do something about that attraction which means he wants to take action.

If he keeps coming toward you, keeps coming over, keeps talking to you, keeps flirting with you, he’s into you and there’s nothing a man can say to hide that fact, although they do deny it because they haven’t figured out how to control you yet. Some women are very in control of their own lives and don’t let on how much they are attracted to you either.

Women cannot be controlled…none of us…ever and that will be the everlasting consternation of men. We control the mating signals. Because we’re the ones that have the most to gain or lose in the reproduction game. It’s fair that we control that because of nature.

Post-reproduction that changes. In middle age, some men panic because their testosterone has decreased and they have performance anxiety. If he drinks or smokes weed too much, his testosterone is even lower.

Middle-aged women know that, by the way, and are mindful. However, our libido goes up as we get older because we can’t get pregnant. We have no fear! So, guys, you may want to take care of yourselves to take advantage of all the great sex after 50 that a woman is wanting!

Middle-aged women who take care of themselves have it all over the younger women in some ways because we have sexual skill, experience and can’t get pregnant.

More than a couple men have told me they long for a woman to want them. Women don’t long for a man to want them. There is jo shortage of men who bother us. It’s obvious men want us and sometimes aren’t terribly picky. Most women long to be left alone by the men pursuing her that she is not interested in and will not be interested in. That’s the fact right there. If she does decide who she wants attention from, she will be coy, not assertive in attracting him. If he doesn’t respond, trust me, she’ll move on. There are other fish in the sea and we need physical attention. Women want and need sex just as much as men do, but for different reasons.

No matter what a woman writes or says that indicates warmth and affection for you, in no way does it mean she wants to circle her wagons around you, marry you, be territorial about you, or control you. It doesn’t mean she wants you. It just means she likes you and is observing you. It means you have a foot in the door to her attention. And trust me; if you ignore that fact, as though she amounts to diddly-squat, or is less than you, she won’t trust you and you may never hear from her again. You won’t exist.

And if you didn’t bother to really get to know her and cast her aside, or lie, and refuse to court her, your ego rules the day, not your heart. That makes a man a loser to us, or gay. You must think you’re the queen, not her.

If you diss her because her breasts weren’t the right size or she has a belly, you are a fool. That’s how men end up with the wrong woman. They aren’t patient enough to give the connection a chance because of superficial summation of her looks.

Women take a while to warm up and make up their minds about a man. We are complicated creatures and most of us have a very small pool of men that are acceptable to us, that gets our motor running, that we want to share feelings with and feel secure within a dangerous world. So it is a vital mistake to interpret our behavior toward you too soon. Be smart and be patient.