Intimacy; How Do We Move From Lust to Love?


Do you know the difference between lust and love? I’ll go with the hard one first; Love. Love is when you want to take time to really know someone, to care about how they feel, what they need and what makes them tick. You want to be their friend. Friendship is the basis of all lasting, lusty, good relationships. It takes time and maturity to grow.

Lust is everything else. Anything that’s not love is lust. Lust is the emotion behind most human interactions and has the face of greed, trolling on Facebook, offloading on strangers and the like. If you have no foundation of care and face-to-face friendship (not digital only) with someone you are indulging in instant gratification lust and there is nothing loving about it.

This issue has been challenging for me. I’m a very passionate, physical woman and have no problem lusting after men who are very attractive to me. I don’t act on it; it’s just fun. My personality and values are all about love. There isn’t really any other material thing I lust after; unless I’m really hungry. then I lust after food.

That’s a good segue because food hunger is almost exactly like sex hunger in the brain. And notice how many people overeat when they just need some love, affection, and sex. We’re looking for a serotonin spike and some other juicy brain chemicals that make us happy. I know I am. Food doesn’t come close to making me happy the way intimacy and love does. I don’t even like bothering to stop and fix food because I’m busy with my projects, writing, chores, things I love to do! Why do I have to stop and eat? I’ve always been like that. I’m not terribly fond of slowing down.

Now we see a problem here; denial of human need when you know it’s not likely to be easily fulfilled! I’ve been married three times to great men and had several great boyfriends. I’m still not satisfied. They weren’t perfect or didn’t satisfy me the way I really want to be. They didn’t make my brain and body explode with orgasmic happiness, although my last mate Michael came close. He loved me…really, really loved me and I loved him. Love is the sexiest thing going. Then he died suddenly. That’s not helping the situation. Love is definitely tragic.

It makes me wonder about eating disorders. If you take that denial of the need for love, warmth, and affection far enough it would make your brain or specifically, the hypothalamus gland stops craving food. So the emotion of lust would be good at this point versus the emotions around deprivation.

I’m not into deprivation at all but I am sorely afraid of loving a man, pulling him to me, and pushing him away because I need to be alone with my ideas, my mind, my life, my work, and my writing. I don’t want to hurt him. There has to be some intimacy and some time shared with your loved one or they will go away. I hate that.

broken_heart1I think I’ve stayed in lust mode in my brain because I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved. It’s like a car idling. My life isn’t idling but my feelings about bonding in a relationship are definitely idling. Maybe I’m stuck in lust gear because it’s emotionally safer. There is no risk of having your heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by death and life itself if you don’t go into love gear and really start driving.

Intimacy; Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech


you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech


you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

Intuition and Love


You-cannot-love-without-intuition.-Graham-GreeneThis one floored me when I saw it. What do you think?

The first question I asked myself was “Why is this true?” The quote is attributed to Graham Greene. There are several to be found online and I’m not sure which one he is but those listed are all artists of some type.

I personally agree that we cannot love without intuition because intuition has its source in the unconscious mind, the Id, sex, chaos, passion, wild emotion, dreams and so forth. When we really love someone it’s a powerful draw, magnetic, a longing. In my case, it’s possible destiny. Sometimes the person shows up in our dreams. This is a psychic event as in psyche and not simply lust. I have experienced this. Have you? I want to know if you have. Tell me about it.

There is no rational reason why you are so drawn to this person. But many times there are synchronicities. I’ve blogged on here about my twin flame which was highly surrounded in synchronicity and still is. We’re still in touch, talked a lot last week, and he is being a little warm but nothing major. And another man is in my psychic space that I haven’t fleshed out yet. We haven’t met but I’d like to meet him. I’m not in love with him though as I am with my Twin Flame. Both of them have been in my dreams and are not just issues of lust so I know they are hooked to my psyche.

The Id, which is below the subconscious ego is also basically the lower body, below the navel. From a man’s perspective, of course, you cannot love without intuition because, for them, they cannot love without sex. That begs the question, “Is sex the seat of a man’s intuition?” I never thought of that but it makes sense. Let me know if you think that’s the case. Women will be floored if that’s true. I need the men to let me know if sex is intuitive for you. I better stop there. As a woman, sex is not intuitive for me. The seat of my intuition is chakras 6, 5, and 4 (third eye, throat, and heart)

I hope I hear from you.

Lisa T.

Body; size bias has changed so much in six years


J.K.-Rowling-quote-You-control-your-own-life-2-1068x561

“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…”-J.K. Rowling

Thin privilege means you’ve proven that you have control over your appetites and just live a healthy good life.  If you force yourself, in any manner possible, to be thin, you have the privilege of hovering over others who are not thin and believing you’re better than them because you control your life, your mind, and your body size at all costs to gain an advantage in every way.  What society and media have done is cover over their addiction to money, sex, fancy houses, food, drugs, etc., because they have no connection to Source/spirituality.  They are using having a thin body as the token for being “in control” of themselves.

However, if you dig a little deeper in thin, rich people’s lives, you’ll see all kinds of things out of control that they are hiding.  They’re playing the materialist game and it will at some point, come tumbling down.  No one on this planet is immune to control issues.  And no one has the right to assert that they are better or of more value on the planet because they can appear to be.  All the world’s a stage and they are certainly the players.  So what they assert is that anyone who is thick and fluffy, for whatever reason, doesn’t matter as much, is not “in control” of themselves, should not make as much money, and are below the thin people in every way.  I don’t think so. Attitudes are changing now.

I’ve already achieved two of my dreams; having a child, and having my own healing practice. I’m convinced, and I’ve heard firsthand accounts from those who have been heavy and are now thin, that when a woman loses weight, her value and amount of “attention and affirmation” go up astronomically from others.  Thin privilege is real.  Some guys say it doesn’t matter when they’re feeling all warm in their heart.  But that’s only one-eighth of the time that they’re feeling warm in their heart.  The rest of the time they’re a stray dog looking for a b….. to hump.  Then it matters! Size usually doesn’t matter to cat-type men, only to the dogs.

Thin, toned women function to easily fulfill the sexual appetite of men or women mostly, in my opinion. Let’s face it. Sex can go quicker, is more intense, you can move better and it’s all pretty animalistic when you’re small.  Thick people have great sex too. I’m not asserting we don’t, but it takes longer. The men get their grounding through the woman, use her, and throw her-sort of like a dementor in Harry Potter when they can get it quickly.  Fat women are self-contained and ground themselves with love through their thickness. The weight pulls on gravity which helps us center our energy like a magnet.  It’s just a theory.  My son said to me, “It seems like fat people are happier Mom”.  Lol. Maybe we’re calmer, less stressed out because we aren’t competing so much or we’re just less materialistic and superficial.  I don’t know.

It’s a diabolical fact in our society that fat people are treated like lepers. It’s because of patriarchy and capitalism. Fat people are offensive to patriarchal men and women.  We’re paid less, viewed as lazy or stupid, unhealthy, an insurance risk, and not touched as much. My ex-husband asked me to lose weight “for him”. That means he was a dog-type man looking for a bitch, which I was not. The whole notion is so incredibly nauseating at how superficial and conditional people are in their acceptance of others. One of my old friends lost a TON of weight (she was bigger than me), and she seems most unhappy now that she’s thin. Sure, physically it’s easier to move, but now she’s realizing what she was hiding from when she was overweight and I think it’s getting to her. She was hiding from superficial bullshit and predatory males!  The same thing happened to my older sister. It’s obvious to me that it’s too easy for women to lose themselves in relationships, others, their kids, their community and ignore their body and their emotional and spiritual needs.

It’s too easy for men to lose themselves in sex, toys, money, and immediate gratification. It turns some men on when a woman loves herself, knows her own mind and needs and loves her body no matter what size it is. I’ve been all sizes in my life. While I’ve been a Mom, I’ve felt very comfy in a thicker body. But now that my son is grown and I want to zip around from 56-104 years old, I think my bones will hold up better if I lighten the load. That said, I’m not going to parade around a different size body like it’s a trophy which degrades those that choose to stay in a thicker body!  To each his own.

For me, I respect a man so much if he can control any of his appetites and learn to spend time with a woman and love a woman in a relationship as a friend. If he can’t, I don’t respect him, no matter how good looking he is, how many degrees he has, money and accolades to boot. Men are going to have to face the fact that unless they can bond monogamously with the woman that really loves and digs him, he’s a failure in societies eyes.