Prose; Dissolving


dissolving

Written 9/7/17 I remember writing this. It was a tough one. I was so tired of feeling used.

Dissolve people from my space that do not take care of themselves. I’m not your healer. I’m healing myself from victims and off-loaders. You heal yourself, I don’t heal you. That’s not my head trip, that’s yours.

Dissolve people from my space that think I should be on a saint pedestal just because I have integrity and do good in the world. I’m just a human being that refuses to tolerate certain energy just like everyone else. I’m SO happy to disappoint them when they compete with me when there is nothing to compete with. Everyone is different. Don’t compete with me. Read my book, then compete with the death and suffering that I never hold onto and know how to release. Dare you! No pity. That’s ego too. Compassion is all that’s called for; for me and yourself.

Dissolve people from my space that expect me to lead them into the light and refuse to do it for themselves. I’m not God nor do I want to be. Walk into your own light after I show you how!

Dissolve people from my space that say they care and then try to put me under their boot when they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Dissolve relationship with family members that don’t know how to let go of negative emotion and want me to be as dependent as they are. No. I don’t need to be.

Dissolve ties to people who walk late into a meeting they set up with me and immediately say, even before we begin, that they want nothing to do with me ever again after this meeting. REALLY!? Grow up. There is not going to be a meeting because you want to dominate, not discourse. I don’t work with people who want to dominate. I work with people who respect me enough to be my equal.

You want your power back?… I just handed it back to you because you erroneously gave it OVER to me when I never fucking asked for it!

Dissolve those who are always up to something, say they support you, then they vampire energy from you because they don’t take care of themselves.

Done. Dissolved. Happy to be just human. Happy to never, ever, ever want anyone to put me on a fucking pedestal just so they can try to knock me off to prove something to themselves.

You’re jealous of my strength and achievement? Then be jealous of the death, loss, vampiric sucking, hate, and jealous family to whom I courageously flip the bird to in order to get to this point. I know I deserve to be happy and abundant and not be surrounded by people that want to either worship me or destroy me for their selfish ego purposes.

Go away.

I’m just a human being with friends doing the work I love.

Prose; How the Light Changes


Written 9/5/17

leaves fallingOnce the sun comes up, the sun in my eyes charges my brain like a battery.

The position of the shadows on the wall meanders aimlessly to new places like a squirrel trying to find a home for his peanut.

The refraction off of the green leaves will meet its demise when the colors change and drop like so many ancestors on our family tree. Into the ground, they go.

We’re all soiled phantoms, you know.

One day full of light and life, and soon, the Earth reclaims us.

Do you know there hasn’t been one, single human body to escape this transformation?

What happens to our light and life, like that green leaf?

The light changes.

 

Essay: Activating the 12 Chakra System


I work with the immaterial energy centers of the body all the time in my office while I’m doing Reiki.  My patients can feel it because I’m working with Qi or Ki. In addition, my pendulum can pick up the direction of their spin very easily but I don’t use it much anymore.  My hands can feel it.  I only use it when a patient needs to see how their energy is affecting something they can see; the pendulum.

the-12-chakra-system2

Chakra means “wheel”.  Most people are used to working with the 7 chakras, but in this time of increased spiritual growth and ascension, it is important to work with the 12 chakras.  That said, only do it when you’re ready, especially if you’re just now becoming aware of your qi and the chakras.

12-Stellar Gateway chakra-Accessed in deep meditation or even in the dream state at night when you’re out of the body yet still tethered.

11-Soul Star-The Soul Star Chakra is located about six inches above the crown chakra (top of the head) & is the bridge from the human to the spiritual realms. …

10-Causal-The causal body is the layer of energy beyond the higher mental body and is linked to the throat chakra and the causal chakra at the back of the head. This is the doorway to higher consciousness and links the personality to the collective consciousness of the planet.

9-Crown Chakra-This is where we learn, on a spiritual level, to love unconditionally, allow compassion for our fellow soul’s who we realize are on their own path, just like us. It’s also where we open up to lessons directly given from spirit guides and what opens wider when we seek an adventure.

8-Third eye chakra or clairvoyant seeing.  This one spins constantly for me as I live by my intuition first and then I run it through the filter of my rational mind.  It’s psychic vision or a sense of what you are creating going forward for yourself.

7-Throat chakra-how you express yourself.  Whether speaking, writing, playing, crafting, painting…you are speaking in your voice that is unique to you.  For people that feel they must hold their tongue or were taught to guard their cards closely, this will be very low functioning.  There is a good middle ground here.

6-Heart Chakra-who and what you love lives here.

5-Solar Plexus-Your power chakra.  How you express your strength, what you’re good at in the world or not who you are to the outside world, confidence level.

4-Naval chakra.  This is the Dan Tien and is the center of your body.  Your birth qi is seeded here by your mother, who also formed your subconscious mind.  This is very personal and sometimes we need to talk deeply about this.

3-Sacral chakra-personal feelings.  Relates to all reproductive and digestive issues.

2-Root chakra-Your grounding, sense of connection and security in the body related to sex, reproduction, money, ability to walk, willingness to walk, desire to run, relaxation and movement of the feet, hip, knee, ankle, and feet will be directly affected by your attitudes, values, feelings and actions with regard to all of these issues. Security, territory, property, what propels you to stay in the body and keep interacting on Earth in this unique manner.  The ten chakras above it are what energize you with “your agenda”.  Everyone is walking the Earth for different reasons.  The soles of your feet bring in the energy directly from the Earth like a two-pronged plug plugged into an electrical outlet.  Be sure you’re plugged into the Earth.

1-Earth Star.  The condition of your earth star will tell a practitioner whether you’re plugged in the body or compromised.

Chakra healing is now a widely known method of energy healing, and although most people are familiar with the 7 chakra system, there are in fact many chakras.  The higher ones are transpersonal.

It’s important to work with your Reiki practitioner closely to activate and balance both front aspect and rear aspect chakras.

Peace!

 

Prose; Rear View Mirror


rear view mirror

I was looking straight ahead, as usual, driving my car.

I very rarely look at the car behind me in my rearview mirror.

For some reason, this time I did.

She was alone in her car with sunglasses on.  I tried not to stare because somehow, I could tell she was upset.

I must have had my empathic radar on again because she looked normal for ten seconds.

I kept glancing back though.

Ok, now she was crying very hard.

I could tell by the shape of her lips as she was trying to control herself and wiping under her eyes beneath the sunglasses.

So many questions and pictures went through my mind.

Did she just get a call from the hospital that her son had gotten into a car accident?

Did one of her parents just die?

Then she started hitting the passenger seat and crying while we sat at the red light.

Being the kind of person I am, I wished I could let her know I wanted to reach out to her somehow.

When she got angry and hit the seat, that caused me to think her husband either asked for a divorce, she caught him with another woman, or her boyfriend text broke up with her.

Then the light turned green.

I wondered all of that, seeing something I’ve never seen before all in a space of forty-five seconds.

I hope she’s ok but I’ll never know.

Prose; Publishing Joy


I feel like my baby is about to go off to college.

I’m about to publish my first book and it’s almost time to let it go,

No longer able to control where it goes in the ethers,

Out into the world, warts and all,

Fresh, innocent, never having smelled a book store (yeah right)

Never having gone through the digital or paper mill…

Does that hurt?

My memories, feelings, occurrences, family secrets, pictures,

losses, dates, intimacies, grandparents, babies lost, tears cried,

Oh my god!!!!  Why did I write this memoir????

Stop the presses!  I can’t do this!!!!

I can’t put all of the truths of my life out into the public for perusal and criticism!

Not that anyone will care…but my life has been interesting hasn’t it?

I wrote it so it sounded interesting….yes I did.

Why did I listen to my FRIEND????  She said, “Lisa, write a memoir”

after hearing me tell stories.

Well, what if no one ELSE is the least bit interested?

This is nail-biting territory if anyone reads it.

I seriously do have many mind-bender stories.

What if people think I’m nuts?

There’s no such thing as bad press.

I’m just…a little nervous I guess.

impublishingmymemoir

 

 

Prose; Oblivion


woman-with-orbs

Digital Artist Sandra Bauser

Time fades into oblivion

One memory, one vision of you and I feel whole again.

I remember your voice, your smell, the feel of you next to me.

In time, it was so long ago, yet to my mind, it was yesterday.

My love for you is as natural as my heartbeat.

Prose; Between The Cracks


walking-on-a-piano

Between the cracks of the piano keys, where the quarter and eighth tones lie, invisible gems are to be found.

Whole tones (normal notes) have no business here…no one likes them… they just seem whole, they’re really broken; like a million notes in smudged ink all over the page.

I long for these sounds to break the cacophony around me.  Dissonance? They are consonant to me.  They fill my cup in a parched closet, old wood, dry and brittle, thirsting for moisture.  Dusty, unpopular, unseen, unheard by most human ears…

I love those places.  Ah…let me sleep there.

“Grand Opening Here”, I run the other way.  I’ll come in the middle of the night thank you-when no one is around but the ghost of my Grandpa, and maybe his friend with him.  I can write then. Dusty basements, hidden shops, in-between dimensions, cracks, and mortice hide the doorways.

I long for these places to break up the routine of my day. 

Little antique stores, old forgotten thrift stores where mom & pop still sit in the chair from 1926, gems are to be found.  Patina so thick you can taste the smell of it, musky, soil, brackish dark. Cobwebs everywhere-but it’s all new to me.

I’m looking, for…my friend…a part of my soul that is tragically invisible to the surface dwellers, so odd, so unexpected that it thrashes my back.  So impossible, so inconvenient, so much…so very good!

It feels eternally old and yet new to me; New to me because it doesn’t “fit” in my brain; in my plan.  My well ordered, hip, sharp, cerebral, sassy, punkish, cavalier brain brutishly, insensitively mocked your old stories, your tradition, your nostalgia, your mischief.  I’m not really laughing.  I just really, really like the texture of it all-and you.

It has been said, “Your heart is a fickle leader!”  Then I am the crumbs in the bottom of the toaster-like the host crumbs in “the cup”.  Drink me.  I am altogether undone.  So be it…

Move to the old that is new!

Take a leap…what seems old is new, what seems new is old.  What’s up is down??

It just is.

It aches to feel like a foreigner in my own planet…Always seeking a creative space that is misunderstood, mysterious, and forgotten.

Gorge on my grief and run for cover then…

Nothing is lacking; ever…all of it.  The devil is in the details they say.  His ears shriek when he hears quarter tones and eighth tones between the cracks; and time is no more.  When the notes become whole, he is undone.

2/14/10

 

 

Essay; St. Valentine BeHeaded


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Prose; Shadow


 

beautiful tree

I obscure my darkness to walk through life content, shadow feelings under the bed.

Convoluted darkness just below my navel only, my prescient dreams adumbrate what my body holds in, refusing to release its undulating grasp like a cranky child crying, needing attention and touch.

Male progenitor, emotional vampire and…ironically, my ally as a bridge to freedom in the face of neglectful, unfeeling, autocratic child-bearer.

Tremulous adolescence, when the course succor so needed is vacuous at best,

Cynical vexation felt so keenly in their insensitivity to my easily affected, young, psychic heart. They didn’t even know what the fuck psychic was because it wasn’t in the bible.

What could I have been?

What happy life could I have had if their crispy, mucous eyes had been open a crack?

That shadow feeling could spiral me down so quickly if I focused on it, so I only do it here

for release…because it’s bullshit, and my life is not bullshit, so I’m not filling it with that.

What is more helical bullshit that parental ignorance with an innocent, lovely child born in light and returning to light?

How twisted and contorted can adults get following societies rules, books, beliefs, and materialistic hysteria when they have in front of them a free soul, their child, needing only love by degrees, free roam by yards, food by weight and expression without limit?

The shadow of light is a contrast as a lesson

I’m using it to soar to the heights,

To rip asunder familial right to the soul of a child.

No more,

Whether in love or delusion

each child belongs to themselves only.

Just as roots do not dictate how far, wide and what direction a tree will grow,

so too, shadow roots deep below the ground only hold it in place while the wind, sky, and sun call us ever higher to dance with all of life above ground, storm and calm, for as long as we wish to live.

I hail from you but I am not you.

Feb. 8, 2017, Yellow 13 Warrior

 

Prose; Skin


pick a tomato

The shell of a turtle, a carapace, guards your continuance of electric water, straight to your brain, pulls your vibration down in by degrees.

Your skin like a husk full of ridges on corn smells sweet,

hard to pull off at the bottom, tassles so soft on my face, the smell of earth.

Your arm was warm and pleasant as the first tomato of summer in my hungry hand.

Let me bite into that luscious fruit, so sweet and tangy

 or a mango stream of juice down my chin.

I’m distracted, clement smells from your back

Why are so sweet yet so smart and severe?

No end to touch makes my breathing peaceful.

I feel happy…oh god I’m doomed.

Indeed, it only lasted one day and you ripped your skin from me again.

At least you can’t take the memory from me.

Words can never erase actions like skin can never cover feelings.

 

Prose; Gray Day


©️Lisa K. Townsend-1/30/2017

The sky is much grayer lack of light and still prayer.
Tree bark darker wet mud dragged upstairs.
No grayer will be in that Michigan sky, mournful woes sad goodbyes.
Sad goodbyes to the bright sun that shocks eyes in May,
It appears a huge orb high in the sky.
We say “What’s that big orange disc by day?”
Who hides behind clouds that we hate.
Oh please dear sun, we beg for your warmth,
We can’t take one more grate of this fate.
My son says, “I don’t know what is better, gray sky or the snow?”His smug face looks at me with a smirk.
He’s eighteen, and he’s jibbing his mother so low.
But he’s serious. He prefers this to hurt.
The hurt of the sun burning down on his face shone wonderful light in his eyes
He was born in a snowbank at the end of this month
Eighteen short years as I rank.
I’ll forgive him this time as there won’t be much more
Of his smart-alec ways to imbibe
He’s going away, out my front door
And that’s when my heart may just die.

Jan. 30, 2017

Essay; No Thank You. My Response to ~ Dina Leygerman, 2017 attitude about the Women’s March


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Essay; Bashing the Women’s March?


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