The Warmonger in Our Psyche…I mean Government


Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense, a title he gets defensive about.
He wants to be the Secretary of War in the Department of War.
3-7-11 pulsar again. Hidden Wisdom is Yellow 11 Human. Nothing dissolves humans and creates chaos like war!

Peter Michaelson · July 9, 2024 ·

(This article is a bit long. Don’t feel obligated to read the whole thing, but it is interesting.)

Humanity’s appetite for war arises from our psyche’s inner war. War is just one of the bitter fruits of our refusal to recognize and overcome the persistent disharmony that churns within us. The war trail leads from our psyche.

War is a byproduct of the inner conflict that generates neurosis, and neurosis is a worldwide contagion. Inner conflict produces inner weakness, especially folly, stupidity, and a lack of self-regulation (“The march of folly,” as historian Barbara Tuchman put it).

I am presenting here a theory on the primary cause of war.

What I write is a bit complex in places, though it’s not rocket science. We resist acquiring deep self-knowledge because we find it disorienting. Inner resistance is the biggest obstacle to understanding the darkness in human nature.

In his book Why War? (W.W. Norton, 2024), historian Richard Overy notes correctly that no consensus exists on the singular cause of war. He writes, however, that “the effort to construct a monocausal explanation for war is futile.” I disagree. The primary cause of war is staring us in the face.

Overy notes that Freud did not develop a general psychological theory on the cause of war, except to relate it somewhat vaguely to a “death drive.” This death drive, as I understand it, is a compulsion to become engaged in self-defeat and self-damage. The drive is a particularly insidious variant of inner conflict. Inner conflict causes us to become our worst enemy. It also prompts us to target certain others and make enemies of them.

Our appetite for war hinges, of course, on how evolved we are–and how evolved we are has a great deal to do with how much inner conflict we experience.

Inner conflict generates negativity, hostility, stupidity, and malice within us, and this psychological dark matter radiates outward toward others as distrust, incivility, hostility, and impulses for revenge. At a tipping point, these projections escalate into violence and war. I’ll now say more about inner conflict, gradually tracking its footprints to the doorstep of war. (We call this shadow-L.T.)

Inner conflict has two main opposing forces, the aggressive superego (inner critic) and inner passivity (a defensive reactivity in our unconscious ego). Many of us sense the critical superego within, yet we have little sense of its partner-in-crime, inner passivity. Understanding the source of war requires our recognition of this passivity that lurks in our psyche as an enabler of the superego.

Inner passivity is largely a primitive, reactive intelligence, located in the unconscious ego, that defends our ego-ideal and reconciles our suffering. Inner passivity is the operating system of our self-doubt, the voice of our defensiveness, and the “mastermind” behind our psychological defenses. Typically, we don’t recognize this independent operating system in our psyche because we usually identify with it as our essential self, even though it obscures our best self.

Through inner passivity, we activate inner conflict. Inner passivity predisposes us to give credence and authority to our irrational, aggressive superego, thereby facilitating inner conflict. If not for this passive side, we would dismiss the superego as biased, irrational, primitive—unworthy of being taken seriously. In failing to do this, we fail to secure peace within ourselves and, by extension, peace in the world.

Through inner passivity, we unwittingly allow our superego to assail us with accusations, mockery, and scorn. More than just the source of self-criticism and self-mockery, the superego can become the instigator of self-condemnation and self-hatred. The intensity of inner conflict and neurosis depends on the degree to which inner passivity accommodates such self-abuse. Anxiety, shame, guilt, moodiness, and depression are experiences that arise from our accommodation of the superego’s judgments against us. As we become conscious of how, through inner passivity, we ingest these judgments, we are more able to liberate ourselves from inner conflict and its self-defeating emotions (e.g., hatred) and behaviors (e.g., war).

Another ingredient in our psyche (and in the war machine) is irrational inner fear.

Such fear is strongly felt in childhood, and it lingers in the adult psyche, often as worry, stress, and anxiety. This semi-conscious fear is intensified when the passive side of inner conflict feels threatened by superego aggression. The passive side fearfully anticipates punishment (guilt, shame, depression) through its weak, defensive plea-bargaining with the superego. As inner conflict intensifies inner fear, we are more likely to react aggressively toward “enemies” we have chosen (often arbitrarily) to blame for causing our distress.

In our psyche, there’s a hidden perversity at play. Inner passivity appears, in part, to consist of an unconscious willingness to experience fear as an enticing, bittersweet thrill or gratification. Evidence for this quirk of human nature can be seen in the allure of violent movies, murder mysteries, horror shows, scary park rides, daredevil antics, gun and crime fixations, and—perhaps—the spellbound voyeurism in climate-change destruction. We can also experience frightening, alarmist news, whether true or fake, as thrilling entertainment. In other words, fear is infected with a macabre enchantment.

We tend to be completely unaware of our unconscious fascination or fixation with fear, even as we “entertain” the fear on an inner level in inner conflict’s back-and-forth of accusations and defenses. Emotionally, we replay and recycle the superego’s allegations and mockery that we are weak, cowardly, undeserving, unworthy, and insignificant. To deny our secret dalliance with this inner fear (and its kinship with inner passivity), we tend to blame others, often aggressively, for our consequential suffering. Rather than see our misery as our own creation, we claim: “They cause me to feel this way!” We blame others although, in neurosis, we ourselves are concocting (replaying, and recycling) the old, subjective, negative impressions of being hurt and disrespected by others. Yet blaming others is necessarily accompanied by aggressive feelings (resentment, anger, and hatred) toward them. This misguided sense of reality can, in collective myopia, lead to war.

The level of our enmity toward others often needs to escalate to maintain the coverup. (The coverup, again, is our denial of our secret willingness to resonate with inner passivity, with its accompanying inner fear, as we unwittingly soak up abuse from the superego.) Sometimes the escalation of the coverup leads to murderous hatred, which is the process that drives domestic killers.

(To be clear, we often do blame ourselves instead of others—but for wrong reasons, for symptoms rather than underlying causes. A person might claim, “The problem is I’m too lazy!” The individual then experiences self-punishment for laziness, while overlooking inner passivity and inner conflict as the deep causes of one’s procrastination, indecision, ambivalence, and lack of purpose. The self-punishment absorbed for so-called laziness can itself produce self-loathing, which then can become loathing of others.)

So, people tend to believe—and, through their unconscious defenses, want to believe—that their worries and distress are caused by others. (God no. That’s offloading!)-L.T. In reality, this distress arises from inner conflict and from one’s compulsion to replay with others the unresolved hurts left over from childhood (the first hurts). We possess an infantile readiness to feel that the self is good, the outsider is bad or dangerous. Hair-trigger resentment toward allegedly threatening others is a defensive coverup. The coverup, the unconscious defense, is processed along these lines: “I’m not the source of my angst and fear. Those others are the cause of it! Look at how much I resent them.” The resentment helps protect one’s ego: “I’m innocent, they’re guilty.”

The reactive aggression we feel (to cover up our passive role in inner conflict) is now projected onto others. One’s conviction now becomes, “The other is aggressive toward me–so I must be aggressive in return.” This projection, along with its irrational conclusion, is an expression of our resistance to taking responsibility for the distress and self-defeat of our inner conflict. This unconscious resistance protects our primitive loyalty to egotism.

Reactive hostility and aggression are now experienced as one’s legitimate right (although the less neurotic among us will feel some guilt for it). This aggression, this coverup of the inner passivity at the heart of inner conflict, contributes to civil and international unrest as well as to war.

Examples from Politics and Life

Psychologically weak people are susceptible to being ruled by the superego’s Frankenstein monster, the strongman or dictator. Submission to the dictator is the path of least resistance for those who, inwardly weak, submit to their superego’s illegitimate authority. The deep sense is, Who would I be without this weakness?

Inner passivity can make politically powerful individuals more dangerous and destructive. I have psychoanalyzed thousands of people, and I offer here an analysis of the psyche of Russian President Putin. Based on his biography, appearance, and actions, he appears to be highly neurotic. His emotional “intelligence” tells him that he’s being passive if he’s not being aggressive—there’s no middle way. Overwhelmed by his wealth and power, his ego has gone rogue. Now he knows only primitive power. He lacks the inner strength to shed his and Russia’s archaic paranoia. This paranoia, despite having some historical rationale, is now mostly rooted in passivity and inner conflict. Putin can’t embrace freedom because he’s a slave to his psyche’s disorder. His conflicted self requires that he experience himself and his world through brutality, victimization, and oppression.

Consciously, he wants to feel the strength and pleasure his wealth and political power ought to provide him. Yet his suffering is unavoidable, given his unconscious determination to feel threatened and diminished by the power of the West and by its values. He is compelled to deny to his people the freedom that inwardly he denies himself.

Putin has compensated for his inner conflict and inner passivity with illusions of grandeur, a lust for absolute power, and a willingness to unleash murderous aggression. In his adamant refusal to acknowledge his passive side and overcome it, he has likely identified with his superego, which means that the malice of his superego, like the perversity of his autocratic rule, now goes unchecked. Here arises evil, and it is facilitated by those who have not become self-actualized.

For many, war is experienced as rousing excitement. The excitement serves as “proof” of strength and vigor: “This is what I like, this aggression, this bloodlust,” the unconscious defense contends: “It proves I am not an inner weakling.” The mania that accompanies this aggressive reactivity is the “joy” of sugar-coated passivity.

The underlying passivity that incites toxic aggression finds entertainment in displays of aggression. Passivity thrills to violence. For example, the compulsive viewing of violent video games is pure passivity. Inner passivity causes teenagers and young adults to experience video games and social media addictively. Hostile aggression (anger and hate) flares up everywhere on social media and in politics. The aggressive push to ban books or speakers, with its gleeful self-righteousness, arises from the passive, irrational fear of being unduly influenced by them. The stupidest aggression comes from the most passive, neurotic people, the ones who are most disconnected from their best self.

Inner passivity is also the culprit as adults become overwhelmed and turn cynical or fatalistic in the face of climate change. Indeed, much of our indifference and inaction on climate change is likely induced by inner passivity’s tendency to trigger feelings of helplessness. One reaction is to embrace stubborn denial of our folly (militant ignorance) as an illusion of strength.

Men especially associate signs or insinuations of their passivity with shame and humiliation. More so than with women, the superego of men is mocking of underlying passivity. The common male defense is to become aggressive at all costs. For instance, men who are failing in life because of their inner weakness are more likely to be domestic abusers of women and children.

We are all participants in the conflict between human nature’s goodness and its capacity for evil. We all feel the conflict in some arenas of life between consciously wanting to be strong versus unconsciously expecting to fail or be defeated. We vote for leaders we psychologically resonate with, those more likely either to avoid war or stumble into it. When our better self is ascendant and dissolving inner conflict, we establish an inner democracy where wise inner authority prevails, where inner chaos becomes inner peace.

Inner conflict exists, of course, in people of all political stripes. A college degree is not immunity to inner conflict. Understanding this can help us all to congregate sympathetically around our common plight.

Biological-Psychological Considerations

Both the aggressive and passive polarities in our psyche are of biological origin. The superego’s existence and primitiveness derive from our predatory, survival instinct. In childhood, biologically sourced aggression is turned inward against the unconscious ego. As Freud noted, a child, despite temper tantrums and other protests, is unable to expend all this considerable energy outward. This primitive drive attacks the weak point where the child’s struggle to formulate a sense of self is in flux. In the psyche, a link between the aggressive drive and the passive identification is established, rooted in the developing superego as a center of self-aggression and facilitated as inner conflict by the passive side.

This passive side, too, has biological origins. It exists as a lingering effect of childhood years spent in helplessness and dependency. Passivity is a primary experience of childhood, and infantile aggression (such as defiance and temper tantrums) is a reaction to it. We might consider war as infantile aggression, rationalized through adult ignorance and conducted with malice and cunning.

Human nature is indeed dealing with some biological hardwiring. When we were primitive predators, war was perhaps instinctively, genetically driven (“war is in our genes,” as many experts claim). Now, though, it’s more helpful to recognize that war is bred through our ignorance of our psyche’s dynamics. Inspired awareness can undo faulty wiring.

Still, our resistance and defenses are so rigid that we will go to war—or destroy democracy—to avoid exposing this weakness in ourselves. Loyalty to the inner status quo, however conflicted and painful, is more stubborn than religious dogmatism. Even loyalty to one’s rigid, like-minded group is mainly loyalty to one’s own resistance to inner truth. Our defenses, meanwhile, keep us in the dark because they provide a pleasing, emotional certitude in the soundness of their own disinformation.

Again, the defense of crude aggression is felt as a righteous, rousing glory when “successfully” used to cover up inner passivity. Hostile bluster and bullying aggression flood the psyche as self-validation, glory, and self-righteous adventurism, washing away rationality and self-doubt.

Now people can feel a “legitimate righteousness” in being cruel, power-hungry, self-aggrandizing, violent, and war crazy. They can become, like tornado-chasers, thrill-seekers at the spectacle of destruction. They take perverse satisfaction in the mayhem happening to others because they identify with the fear, helplessness, and victimization of those others. This means they unconsciously excite these base emotions within themselves and are swept into fevered irrationality. This is the death drive in action.

Meanwhile, warmongers are seduced deeper into aggressive postures as the passivity of others enables their worst instincts. Warmongers identify with the corrupt mentality and primitive values of the superego. In wicked glee (another libidinization of passivity), they embrace the dark side. The dark side takes the elements of inner conflict—aggression, fear, blaming, and perverse gratification—as “weapons” to assault fellow human beings. This, too, is what Freud meant by the death drive.

These insights from depth psychology, when assimilated, recast our sense of who we are. The prospect of such a dramatic change in one’s sense of self mortifies the conscious ego. We infuse our resistance with zealous intensity, while in our shadow many politicians serve unwittingly as agents of resistance.

We decline to be reborn into a new graciousness in fear of letting go of our familiar sense of self. We embrace irrationality, violence, and war to protect our precious ego, to spare it being demoted by inner truth. The answer is to make our psyche the new frontier, to understand our psyche as both the chalice and the blast furnace of our evolution.



Peter Michaelson’s latest book, at Amazon, is titled, Our Deadly Flaw: Healing the Inner Conflict that Cripples Us and Subverts Society.

Biden’s Message Shifts From Compromise to Combat Ahead of Midterms


Here is the tone he sets on his Mayan birth gateway; White 2 World Bridger.

My podcast yesterday extolled the natural unity of the universe and the natural world. The Reptilian way is a projection of what you, yourself are doing wrong and saying the other person is doing it when they are not. You are. It’s crazy hypocrisy. It is a victim mentality so that you feel the need to defend, justify, and initiate violence yourself. The next 12 days will be a study in psychology.

You need to watch Corey’s video I just posted and read his report about the war on the LOC, our Moon, as I type this on Biden’s gateway. I’m just going to say it Biden and his rhetoric and attack on American law and patriotism are DIRECTLY related to his alignment with the Reptilians and the Orion group. These are not isolated events. And as Corey just said today, it’s gotten worse. My information is that Trump works with the GGLN, the Galactic League of Nations. Neither Trump nor the GGLN is righteous by any means, but they are working for peace and cooperation in our local system.

But with just two months until the midterm elections, Mr. Biden is purposely spending less time hailing the virtues of compromise and more time calling out dangers to democracy — using some of the sharpest and most combative language of his presidency.
He has accused Republicans of embracing “semi-fascism” by paying fealty to former President Donald J. Trump. He has blasted the party for being “full of anger, violence, hate and division.” And he has warned that the danger from Republicans loyal to Mr. Trump went far beyond differences in policy.
“They’re a threat to our very democracy,” he said of a party that he has spent a half-century working with to find common ground. “They refuse to accept the will of the people. They embrace political violence.”

It would help to remember that all White tribes hail from White Wind Tribe on Uranus. White Wind is spiritual communication and heavily solar based on our ancient past. Sol Invictus was Sun worship and Maldekians did that. All Red tribes hail from Red Dragon or the Draco on Neptune; the primordial mother, the giver of life. She’s fire, not daisies. All the priest classes through time hail from White Wind and White Worldbridger is in the priest class.

Well, we know what the problems can be with priests, especially if they believe in denying the body and separating it from the spirit over epic time. Dysfunction. You can only deny the needs of the flesh for so long without going crazy.

The Psychology of Mimetic Contagion by Brownstone Institute


It’s groupthink virus that’s behind the blind following of scamdemic and other narratives shored up by 12:60 time coordinate.

“…under conditions of mass formation, people buy into a narrative not because it is true, but because it cements a social bond they desperately need.:

The article in the link below

“People buy into the narrative, even when it becomes absurd and out of touch with facts on the ground, not because they believe in the narrative, but precisely because it creates a social bond that they don’t want to relinquish. As in hypnosis, their field of vision becomes excessively narrowed, focused exclusively on the elements of the accepted narrative. They may be dimly aware of collateral damage or contradictory facts, but these have little to no cognitive or emotional impact—evidence simply ceases to matter.”

The article in the link below

https://brownstone-org.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/brownstone.org/articles/the-psychology-of-mimetic-contagion/amp/

Time Innovation: Your Theta Brain Waves Affect Your Subconscious Mind


In the Spirit-Mind-Body movement, many lightworkers have managed to functionally reduce the effect of their subconscious programming on their conscious mind. This is what my book “Healer” is about which you can order on this blog.

Normal adults minds are currently programmed 95% by their mother in utero and family after birth up to age 7. Lightworkers have become aware of their programmed issues and asserted their conscious mind in order to break habits that they don’t want, that are not of their choosing but were imprinted from the family. You can overstep your subconscious program and this is, in fact, the foundation of the Spiritual Movement.

In no way are we saying family is bad. Every family is different. We are saying that each person can and does have a choice over what they want their lives to be. It does not have to be dictated by the family or anyone else. This is still somewhat taboo and scary to many people but it’s beginning to dawn on everyone that individual freedom is real within a group that is interdependent, not co-dependent or addicted to a materialistic paradigm. Neither does ancestry dictate anything as genetic determinism is no longer scientifically valid. The truth is, we are all ONE human race. There are no races. There are just thousands of cultures on Earth all ONE race; the human race.

Mastering Your Brainwaves

Our brain pulses and vibrates like everything in this Universe. Brainwaves can be categorized according to their frequency. The brain pulse is measured like sound in cycles per second or Hertz. It is not about spending our entire life in an awakened mind pattern, but to attain mastery of our brainwaves. Mastery means, we want to be able to be in the state of consciousness (the brainwave pattern) of our choice at any given time and to achieve what we want to do with it. So flexibility and mastery are what we are looking for.

Delta | 0.5 – 4 cycles per second | .05 – 4 HZ-or D Waves


The lowest frequencies are delta. These are less than 4 Hz and occur in deep sleep and in some abnormal processes. It is the dominant rhythm in infants up to one year of age and it is present in stages 3 and 4 of sleep. It tends to be the highest in amplitude and the slowest waves. Delta is associated with deep sleep, this pattern is very slow. However, this brain wave pattern is important for the explorer of consciousness. If you work to merge with the mass consciousness of our planet you need to work in delta, the first step will be to learn to be conscious in your dreams. If you can do that, you can go further in the exploration. Astral projection or Out of Body experience occurs in Delta.  We increase Delta waves in order to decrease our awareness of the physical world. We also access information in our unconscious mind through Delta. Peak performers decrease Delta waves when high focus and peak performance are required. However, most individuals diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, naturally increase rather than decrease Delta activity when trying to focus.

Theta | 4-8 cycles per second | 4 – 8 HZ-or T Waves

Associated with creativity and Extra-sensory perception, the theta state is something to learn to go into at will. It is seen in connection with creativity, intuition, daydreaming, and fantasizing and is a repository for memories, emotions, sensation. Theta waves are strong during internal focus, meditation, prayer, and spiritual awareness.  There are countless ways to reach theta and is the state where your ESP can operate. If you do the proper work you can learn to enter theta at will and perform most of the psychic activities. It reflects the state between wakefulness and sleep and relates to the subconscious mind. It is viewed as abnormal in awake adults but perfectly normal in children up to 13 years old but that is societal bias. It is also normal during sleep and just upon waking. Theta is believed to reflect activity from the limbic system and hippocampus regions. Theta is observed in anxiety, behavioral activation, and behavioral inhibition. When the theta rhythm appears to function normally it mediates and/or promotes adaptive, complex behaviors such as learning and memory.

Alpha | 8-13 cycles per second | 8 – 13 HZ-or A Waves

The first pattern discovered in 1908 by an Austrian Psychiatrist named Hans Berger. Alpha pattern appears when in wakefulness where there is relaxed and effortless alertness. It is recommended to practice your creative visualization and auto-suggestion technique in alpha state. Good healthy alpha production promotes mental resourcefulness, aids in the ability to mentally coordinate, and enhance an overall sense of relaxation and fatigue. In this state, you can move quickly and efficiently to accomplish whatever task is at hand. When Alpha predominates most people feel at ease and calm. It is the major rhythm seen in most adults. The right brain initiates it.

Beta | 13- 33 cycles per second | 13 – 33 HZ –or B waves


Beta is associated with our waking activity. During a day we experience all the brainwave patterns with a predominance of Beta. It is generally regarded as a normal rhythm and is the dominant rhythm in those who are alert or anxious or who have their eyes open. It is the state that most of the brain is in when we have our eyes open and are listening and thinking during analytical problem solving, judgment, decision making, processing information about the world around us. The beta band has a relatively large range and has been divided into low, midrange and high. The left brain initiates it.

Gamma | over 33 cycles per second | 33 + HZ- or G Waves


This range is the most recently discovered and is the fastest frequency above 33Hz. While little is known in the mainstream about this state of mind, initial research shows Gamma waves are associated with bursts of insight and high-level information processing. When the brain needs to simultaneously process information from different areas, it is hypothesized that the gamma state consolidates the required areas for simultaneous processing. Note that there’s a LOT of disagreement over where Beta range ends & Gamma range begins. Gamma rhythms appear to be involved in higher mental activity, including perception and consciousness.

 The Regions of the brain that originates each wave;

Delta-The Thalumus or Cortex (the top middle of the brain)

Theta-The Hippocampal Region-(the middle-low part of the brain near the brain stem that C1 hooks into) This must be the subconscious mind.

Alpha-The Right Brain –right side of the head

Beta-The Left Brain-left side of the head

Gamma-these waves originate in the Thalamus (where Delta does) and are then observed to sweep from the frontal lobe throughout the entire brain bringing it into synchronization.  Tibetan Buddhist Monks have been observed to run Gamma waves-the fastest wave humans can produce, that we know of.

The neo-cortex and the lobes are the sites of the conscious brain.  It’s located at the top and sides of the brain. It’s been around for 300,000 years or 1/3 of our species existence. It controls voluntary thought awareness, self-control, and planning.

The subconscious mind is located in the limbic system and the brain stem. It’s the lower brain.  This is the old brain and the original human brain. It is responsible for the autonomic nervous system, control of internal organs, forges and manages all habits, insight and creativity, and emotions.  It’s much faster and efficient than the new brain and has multi-tasking abilities.

Some scientists believe the vagus nerve or spindle neurons that connect the prefrontal cortex to the insula may be the link to the new brain.  Everything initiated in the subconscious now goes into the conscious mind if we let it.

 

Essay: Heartset; There’s No One Left. I’m Alone. (Freebie)


It has finally happened after twenty years. I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’ mon, let’s go to the store”.

My son’s dad died nine years ago…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see his father respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.

Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.

Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.

On his way out, of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself and being a female, that is unacceptable and taboo. I wonder if he thought of the effect of his words on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age. I’ve been called selfish alot because I’m independent and have my own life that I share with a few people who don’t ask me to stop loving physics and time science just because I’m a girl.

But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.

It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.

Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.

It’s like this secret I have as a sixty two-year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth-worshipping culture, female-sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up. “Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?” (My mother keeps literally asking that as though she’s waiting for me to fall) “She’s Selfish!” they cry. With a capital “S” not a small “s”. There is the low self and the Higher Self. No. I just don’t believe in aging and atrophy. I don’t follow programming.

Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.

I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.