Category: psychology

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Essay: Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?


I wrote this in 2018. Today is 6/26/26.

It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible. I do sometimes but I have a wild streak.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread.Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self.
  2. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  3. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  4. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded.
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded.
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded.
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded.

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

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Essay: A Pretty Good Brownie


I had a very good brownie yesterday with the right level of height so that I was able to observe my trip pretty well. This was purely experimental as I am the kind of person that fully enjoys the sobriety of my conscious mind to do my work because I’m intelligent. There is no substitute for the satisfaction of figuring something out or learning a new skill, for me. It’s a big self-esteem boost.

If I were trying to escape my body or my life, weed would plummet my self-esteem. That was my first observation. The second was that I had a bit of paralysis. Not literally. I could move but my etheric body wanted to leave my physical body which pulls the qi that allows you to move, right up and out. I do that plenty when I sleep at night, I don’t want to feel that way during the day when I have work to do.

If you DO want to feel that way during the day you need therapy; bodywork, Reiki, talk therapy; not medical marijuana. You’re in denial about your true feelings if you want to feel like that a lot. That will kill you because THE BACKED UP EMOTIONS go into your cells. Pot can’t kill you, no, but constant denial of your feelings and an unbalanced life will. It also throws off your appetite and sleep.

I commanded my etheric body to stay one with my physical and it obeyed. Because I did, I was able to observe and remember my trip. It was like being in an airport; public and stupid, full of non-focused, chaotic energy that I feel is the bane of this planet. But what happened is that because I wasn’t interested in traveling in the public ethers, I went deeper into my physical cells. I love my body, as my readers know, so I tuned into that.

Markedly, I had no pain. My muscles usually ache because I walk and work out daily. That was marvelous. And today I’m in less pain as an after effect so it is very anti-inflammatory. My cells got excited the more relaxed I was. I heard and saw my spirit guides laughing at my internal awareness so that was fun. It erased all of my physical tension. That is possible with yoga and breathe work though too.

Well, I was out of it for a full four hours and the last hour just loopy. That’s four hours of my life I won’t get back. I was grateful for the body awareness but I can do that on my own. I was just neglecting to do it because my brain has been busy learning computer programming. Also, no one should drive while using! It’s no different than alcohol.

The last thing I have to say is there was nothing spiritual at all about a pot-induced trip. It’s just a drug affecting the brain. I am a spiritual person and have had many spiritual experiences. It’s altogether different because you’re conscious and use your free will. The spirit world is real if you open your heart.

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Essay; Physical Intuition Counts When You Fight (Freebie) Please Subscribe to hundreds more.


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This is my theory anyway. When it comes to disagreement or a fight between partners, the physical relationship or sex dictates the way two people fight. This is a bit mysterious to me but I think we’ve always known that tension and competition between human beings are sexual. Right? It’s not particularly conscious but in a way, we’re all attracted to each other. I guess you could call it love, whether it’s heterosexual or homosexual. But which person we actually have sex with depends on those pheromones.

My intuition tells me that if a man brings no feelings to my body or his own body, and he feels he can mentally maintain the upper hand in a dispute, he would be incorrect. Feelings are more powerful and primal than thoughts. The body is emotions for men and women. I think this is why the presence of women in the public workplace is disruptive for males, whether they’re conscious of it or not. If they have no sexual relationship with her, they have no emotional connection and thus no real power over her. It is important for women to understand that love and feelings for a man happen in direct relationship to a woman’s physical body (sex). That is not the case for women! For women, feelings and bonding happen first through talking, communicating, VIBING (intuition). Then she decides whether to bring in sex which just adds another layer. Men need to understand that. If she is smarter or very smart, which women tend to be, she can dominate the situation at work where there is money involved. Think about that.

Thinking rationally is fairly new to human beings if not still novel! It’s wet paint on the wall of evolution, not yet dry. Humans are instinctual more than rational. Or you could view following your instinct as rational at this point. I’m not saying that scientific calculations are useless. But without intuitive calculations, they are not as likely to be correct.

Women can be rational and intuitive at the same time in a dispute. Men cannot. I believe women have evolved this ability as mothers in order to control our children. Rational thinking gave men a leg up in the evolution of the hunt so did they get lazy on intuition? Men’s intuition is an interesting subject and one I know nothing about. I do believe it’s there.

My point is when it comes to making an argument with your partner, the more your intuition is tuned into feelings or can read the situation, the more likely it is you’ll be heard and possibly even come to a resolution. Wouldn’t that be novel between women and men? (Sigh)

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Essay; The Anima and The Animus


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Essay: Women and Men Express Love Differently


I wrote this post in 2018.

I’ve noticed on FB threads and my blogs that women like to hear my thoughts far more than men. Men want women to be quiet. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be but I’m approaching it from a biological brain difference.

Men can only take so much talking from others, except for their own. They love to hear themselves talk. Most women can’t get enough.

Over twenty years I’ve observed the energy and bodies of men and women and found that women need to talk but men don’t usually want to listen or talk. Hopefully, if your man does need to talk, he knows he can talk to you and you’ll be understanding. That should be reciprocated on occasion.

Men literally need our bodies or body language to communicate to us. We need their love (male heart vibe). So, men express love physically, not verbally.

Women express love mentally and emotionally because that’s what we each need. Men live in their minds with each other. Women live in their bodies with each other and it can be overkill either way.😌 I think that’s part of why humans tend to be heterosexual (male and female living together). I know I couldn’t handle living with a woman, sex or no sex. I’m woman enough for myself.

Do women hear men’s silent body language to us or do we assume it’s shallow objectification? Do men hear a woman’s feelings in her tone of voice and writing or do they just hear static blather? Sometimes neither one of us is listening but judging by our own bias instead.
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Essay: Is Reductionist, Axiomatic Science A Masculine Disorder?


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“Science is based on the professional creation and certification of knowledge which is tied to powerful interest groups, notably the state, corporations and the scientific profession itself. Patriarchy is based on male control of dominant social structures and the exclusion of women from positions of power through means such as direct discrimination, socialization and the gender division of labor.

Patriarchy within the scientific community is manifested through male control of elite positions and various exclusionary devices. The scientific method incorporates masculine features such as the objectification of nature. Scientific knowledge is masculine in its neglect of women’s experience and its adoption of paradigms built on assumptions of competition and hierarchy.”-Jill Bowling and Brian Martin, Ph.D.

Here is another article from an expert! It’s longer but VERY interesting.

Science: a masculine disorder

I woke up this morning, after being hijacked by “a friend” on a thread yesterday and then territorially denigrated in the patriarchal tradition, pondering the question; “Is the scientific method itself horse-and-buggy, materialist, patriarchal B.S.? Is this possible? Before today, I pretty much supported it, although its methodology seemed very simplistic to me and not at all holistic. Was I the only one wondering if this might be true?

I wonder this because as a fifty-four-year-old female who is trained in science as far as needed in licensed health care, my intuition is as consistent and rational as anything I see or feel in this material world. I also listen to it. This phenomenon is mostly ignored, cynically scoffed at, and at best, not understood by most people including my ex-friend who has patently disrespected my intuitive read of the Mayan Harmonic for months now. He just now told me how much better he is than me which kind of says it all. It means he’s not.

My patients have confirmed my hands-on intuition with their bodies for fifteen years so it’s like breathing to me now. I put my hands on someone and I can feel everything that’s going on. Then they confirm it verbally after I tell them what I sense. Then I treat on the manifested body and they feel it again. I don’t feel it physically initially; I sense the energetic cause of the physical manifestation which is the cause of all illness; thoughts and feelings or vibrations then I assess and treat tactilely.

My ex-friend, who fancies himself a scientist, knows nothing to very little about the body and doesn’t even work in the sciences. I’ve made my living in healthcare for seventeen years. There are lessons to be learned by all. For instance, in the last week I’ve learned two lessons:

  1. It is unwise to only see the good in people when their shadow is blasting you in the face. They operate from cynicism and usage; not love, and you can feel it.
  2. Many men do not have intuition on their radar and if they do, they subjugate it for the purposes of patriarchal power (money and control) or addiction. They view intuition as feminized or sub-cultural which would weaken their position in society. Other cultures can follow their intuition but patriarchal men from all cultures do not. They only use and objectify women sexually and poor people economically, no matter how nice they may seem and politically correct with their rhetoric. It’s fake. It takes an experienced and trained eye and ear to see it. The first tip-off is, they never ask you how you are, and if they do, it’s not genuine. You can feel it.

“Long-term structural change in science must be predicated on changing the relations between men and women.”

This applies across cultures, all over the world. The real issue of disparity on the planet is between women and men all over the world and the rest of the issues follow. Women are still treated in a barbaric manner, especially the child bride phenomenon.

“Complementing this approach is that taken by those specifically focusing on the reasons why there are not more women involved in the sciences. Several writers have examined science education, particularly looking at the reasons why girls leave science in their school years. Following the observations that boys get more teacher attention and girls have less confidence in their ability, in Australia, there have been some experiments with all-girls science and mathematics classes.

There has also been an analysis of the way in which science is constructed to reflect male values and suggestions about how to create a different sort of science. Arditti, for instance, argues for a feminist perspective which “would re-introduce and re-legitimize the intuitive approach”.

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Essay: There’s No One Left. I’m Alone. This was written in 2018


It has finally happened after twenty years. I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’ mon, let’s go to the store”.

My son’s dad died three years ago in 2015…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see his father respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.

Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.

Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.

On his way out, of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself and being a female, that is unacceptable and taboo. I wonder if he thought of the effect of his words on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age. I’ve been called selfish alot because I’m independent and have my own life that I share with a few people who don’t ask me to stop loving physics and time science just because I’m a girl.

But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.

It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.

Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.

It’s like this secret I have as a fifty-five -year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth worshipping culture, female sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up. “Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?” (My mother keeps literally asking that as though she’s waiting for me to fall) I SHOULD fall or it doesn’t look good?

“She’s Selfish!” they cry. With a capital “S” not a small “s”. There is the low self and the Higher Self. No. I just don’t believe in aging and atrophy. I don’t follow social programming.

Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.

I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.

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Molecules of Emotion: Health-The Network of Mind IN the Cells


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Steven Holl-Shadow Art

Chapter 9 of “The Molecules of Emotion” gets juicy. Dr. Pert says, on page 185

“The three classically separated areas of neuroscience, endocrinology, and immunology with their various organs-the brain; the glands; and the spleen, bone marrow, and lymph nodes are actually joined to each other in a multidirectional network of communication linked by information carriers known as neuropeptides.

“…it might make more sense to emphasize the perspective of psychology rather than of neuroscience, for the term psycho clearly conveys the study of mind, which encompasses but also goes beyond the study of the brain. I like to speculate that what the mind is, is the flow of information as it moves among the cells, organs, and systems of the body…the mind as we experience it is immaterial, yet it has physical substrate, which is both the body and the brain.”

Molecules of Emotion cover“The mind, then, is that which holds the network together, often acting below our consciousness, linking and coordinating the major systems and their organs and cells in an intelligently orchestrated symphony of life.  This view of the organism as an information network departs radically from the old Newtonian, mechanistic view where we saw the body in terms of energy and matter. But there is intelligence running things.  Intelligence in the form of information running all the systems and creating behavior.”

Creating behavior?  Now there is where I part ways with her.  My son, who is studying psychology believes our behavior is determined by chemicals in the brain. That makes him, and those who agree with him, materialists. Many people believe our behavior is pre-determined or determined, that there is no real choice or free-will.  Frankly, this seems to be the central debate as we are squarely in the high-tech age, moving from Newtonian materialism to Einstein quantum states where something we see only exists because we see it collectively.  It doesn’t exist in and of itself, by itself.

What do your intuition and experience tell you here?  How has your life unfolded?  My life has taught me that I create my reality and my body condition by the habitual feeling, beliefs, and thoughts that I run. So I check myself every day. It’s called mindfulness. While I am part of an agreed-upon collective mind field as I look out my office window at the snow-covered roofs, my individual perception, interpretation, feeling, and thought processes are chosen by me.  Am I kidding myself?  Am I just a puppet on a string? Or are we truly at choice?

It makes no sense to believe we’re puppets. Otherwise, our lives would all be the same and unfold in a gentrified fashion and have no meaning or differentiation. There is an observation! Many people’s live ARE gentrified because they are not acting on their power to choose; free will. It is possible to abrogate your rights in the universe and then your mind goes into default mode, programmed by your family, Facebook, and CNN and you are part of the herd mentality. There are a thousand ways to free yourself from that and uplift your mind. Follow your intuition.

While it’s true that in my personal life, death/change has been a constant around me, it’s not something I chose to happen; I’ve witnessed it happening to others first hand. The universe allowed it to occur around me for a reason or maybe I did. However, my individual choices are indeed the reason I find myself in my current situation. It’s all good.

My mind is run by my intuition 24/7 and always has been, for as long as I can remember. Personally, I feel like I live in a kaleidoscope. When others see static sameness, I see and feel minute details of an ever-changing landscape of colors, vibes, temperatures, shapes, dimensions, and souls coming and going. Even sitting still, I feel in my body that life around me on earth is a dance of changes in light and shadow and I interpret them as quickly as I can and respond.