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Protected: Essay: Heartset; A #Female #Intimacy Myth Revealed
Protected: Prose: Why Can’t I See You?
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Protected: Essay: Everyday Intuition; Competition at Home
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Essay: Intimacy balances out by…Part I
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Body; size bias has changed so much in six years
“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…”-J.K. Rowling
Thin privilege means you’ve proven that you have control over your appetites and just live a healthy good life. If you force yourself, in any manner possible, to be thin, you have the privilege of hovering over others who are not thin and believing you’re better than them because you control your life, your mind, and your body size at all costs to gain an advantage in every way. What society and media have done is cover over their addiction to money, sex, fancy houses, food, drugs, etc., because they have no connection to Source/spirituality. They are using having a thin body as the token for being “in control” of themselves.
However, if you dig a little deeper in thin, rich people’s lives, you’ll see all kinds of things out of control that they are hiding. They’re playing the materialist game and it will at some point, come tumbling down. No one on this planet is immune to control issues. And no one has the right to assert that they are better or of more value on the planet because they can appear to be. All the world’s a stage and they are certainly the players. So what they assert is that anyone who is thick and fluffy, for whatever reason, doesn’t matter as much, is not “in control” of themselves, should not make as much money, and are below the thin people in every way. I don’t think so. Attitudes are changing now.
I’ve already achieved two of my dreams; having a child, and having my own healing practice. I’m convinced, and I’ve heard firsthand accounts from those who have been heavy and are now thin, that when a woman loses weight, her value and amount of “attention and affirmation” go up astronomically from others. Thin privilege is real. Some guys say it doesn’t matter when they’re feeling all warm in their heart. But that’s only one-eighth of the time that they’re feeling warm in their heart. The rest of the time they’re a stray dog looking for a b….. to hump. Then it matters! Size usually doesn’t matter to cat-type men, only to the dogs.
Thin, toned women function to easily fulfill the sexual appetite of men or women mostly, in my opinion. Let’s face it. Sex can go quicker, is more intense, you can move better and it’s all pretty animalistic when you’re small. Thick people have great sex too. I’m not asserting we don’t, but it takes longer. The men get their grounding through the woman, use her, and throw her-sort of like a dementor in Harry Potter when they can get it quickly. Fat women are self-contained and ground themselves with love through their thickness. The weight pulls on gravity which helps us center our energy like a magnet. It’s just a theory. My son said to me, “It seems like fat people are happier Mom”. Lol. Maybe we’re calmer, less stressed out because we aren’t competing so much or we’re just less materialistic and superficial. I don’t know.
It’s a diabolical fact in our society that fat people are treated like lepers. It’s because of patriarchy and capitalism. Fat people are offensive to patriarchal men and women. We’re paid less, viewed as lazy or stupid, unhealthy, an insurance risk, and not touched as much. My ex-husband asked me to lose weight “for him”. That means he was a dog-type man looking for a bitch, which I was not. The whole notion is so incredibly nauseating at how superficial and conditional people are in their acceptance of others. One of my old friends lost a TON of weight (she was bigger than me), and she seems most unhappy now that she’s thin. Sure, physically it’s easier to move, but now she’s realizing what she was hiding from when she was overweight and I think it’s getting to her. She was hiding from superficial bullshit and predatory males! The same thing happened to my older sister. It’s obvious to me that it’s too easy for women to lose themselves in relationships, others, their kids, their community and ignore their body and their emotional and spiritual needs.
It’s too easy for men to lose themselves in sex, toys, money, and immediate gratification. It turns some men on when a woman loves herself, knows her own mind and needs and loves her body no matter what size it is. I’ve been all sizes in my life. While I’ve been a Mom, I’ve felt very comfy in a thicker body. But now that my son is grown and I want to zip around from 56-104 years old, I think my bones will hold up better if I lighten the load. That said, I’m not going to parade around a different size body like it’s a trophy which degrades those that choose to stay in a thicker body! To each his own.
For me, I respect a man so much if he can control any of his appetites and learn to spend time with a woman and love a woman in a relationship as a friend. If he can’t, I don’t respect him, no matter how good looking he is, how many degrees he has, money and accolades to boot. Men are going to have to face the fact that unless they can bond monogamously with the woman that really loves and digs him, he’s a failure in societies eyes.
Essay: Heartset; Love is About Appreciation
Protected: Essay: Heartset; “I love you”
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Body; Do Men Do the Picking or Do Women?
Women do. First, she flirts with the man she wants and lets him unconsciously know she likes him, then he responds assuming he’s initiating the whole thing. He’s not. She did, but he’s not sure she did so he intends to find out. Don’t wait too long or she might change her mind. That happens too. I don’t like a guy who’s slow on the draw. I want to know you pick up cues quickly and want to make me happy. So many guys don’t anymore.
I post a lot on FB threads that comment about relationships and the nature of men and women. “Steve Harvey TV” posted, “Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.” The gist of what I responded with was, “It doesn’t really matter what men want. Men don’t really know what they want in relationships or even for dinner. Women are better at that. Women tend to be the ones that pick because she’s the one that bears the weight of reproduction and communication. She knows what her body needs in the event that she does get pregnant. It’s nature. Men are very good at other things but not at picking a woman.” Men are free to want what they want but it isn’t going to change much.
I’m not about insulting men. My goal is to help bring some balance between the genders and especially female empowerment. For the record, I know there are some very daft women out there who misuse their personal power, are tetched or abusive, or just have a mountain of work to do on themselves before they could ever pick the right man. As nature goes, women are the leaders though. Women are the “pickers” in relationships. Women need to steer how the relationship is going to go. Women have evolved these social skills and we need to get better at asserting ourselves and getting better organized when it comes to picking a man. I was not very organized myself about picking a man in my youth because I wasn’t the least bit interested in marriage. I paid a price for that.
Know yourself. Know your body. Take care of yourself. Feel your sexual nature and enjoy it. Then make a list. Make a bulleted list of what your instincts and senses tell you to need in a mate…if you’re straight that is. Women that wait for a man to “want them” are left in the dust over and over because they aren’t taking charge. They start to blame men for being dogs when….yeah…straight men kind of are because for most men, that’s the level they’ve evolved to. Again, not all, but most. Do you want them to be gay? They are great communicators, love to talk and decorate, but no sex? I guess I’m assuming bonding, but these days, a lot of people don’t even want that. It’s bad for your health over time not to bond.
Straight men have other great qualities and I suggest straight women start to observe and notice them. For the record, I am absolutely cool with LGBTQ. But there are a lot of straight men and women out there struggling too.
Strong men are looking for strong women. Shallow men are looking for shallow women. Dog type men are looking for bitches to train them. Cat type men are looking for a cat-type woman. Like attracts like. So work on yourself and be clear about what you want. You embody Love and nothing is more attractive to a man than a woman whose heart really adores and loves him. And in return, if he even halfway likes who he is, he will adore you in return.
Protected: Body; Do Men Do the Picking or Do Women?Ed Level Gender Ed
Prose; Adoration Be Damned
I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age.
My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later.
It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group. They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.
I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.
In addition, my mephitic eighteen-year-old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans. My peaceful environment is proliferating.
As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealousy.
I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t. I don’t.
It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in my body and owning myself, that adoration doesn’t feel like it’s all it’s cracked up to be.
A man feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing its paws into my chest.
Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.
When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a puppy!
That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated. At least he didn’t bug me. I know there are all the ideas about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.
“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!
I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.
I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home. Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive! I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.
Protected: Essay; It’s Barely Been 50 Years…
Essay; There is Something Emotionally “Off” with Guys
(I wrote this 7 years ago. Women in 2026 are just now seeing it.)
There are too many on the roster for me to ignore this. I read a lot too, so it’s not as though I’m ignorant. Well, seriously…I know men have feelings. That’s very obvious and I’m good with that, unlike many women. It’s just as obvious as the fact that women have feelings. And I am sensitive to men’s feelings, as different than women’s and have a ton of experience with men expressing their feelings with me. I’m safe to do that with. That’s sort of the problem…maybe.
The Jekyll and Hyde thing, the fear of getting too close, or relying on a woman as your friend, or letting her help you with something she is strong in and you have no idea about; she does the same with you. It’s relational, not teansactional.
Why can’t men rely on women the same way? Why is that so emotionally vulnerable for you but it’s not for us? Maybe you didn’t have a good sister? That’s how you pattern it in your brain?
As a woman, who has talked to a lot of women, if we get a red flag about a dude, we break it off, let it go, and have a fairly practical attitude about the lack of emotional affinity so we don’t usually cling, push away, cling, push away, kick and punch. That induces no sense of emotional security in a woman at all.
And I’ve seen it way too much with men. I don’t see this behavior in women maybe because there’s no way a guy would tolerate that from a woman. I see and hear her making her mind up.
She has a subjective sense of “the feel” of the guy and their emotions and the sexual affinity so her radar is on baby! If all that isn’t flowing, we’re not interested and don’t need to analyze it. Our body told us and that counts the most.
Now the objective part. Males tend to value or be, more objective to their everlasting detriment. You’re missing half of the picture. You thought you drank the whole glass, the other half is in there.
You thought you took a full breath, you didn’t exhale. I’ll stop. The objective picture, which women can fully, competently, always, always, see, is just dumb to us. It’s never just that way.
CYou can’t gain any accurate information in life or in relationships by only being objective any more than you can know what sex feels like by just standing outside of it and watching it.
Subjective means you are the subject, you’re in it, you’re living it, your senses, feelers, intuition, BODY (such a big truth for women) are in the situation and we’re talking UPLOAD of information into the computer.
It computes, along with the easy, objective stuff. We know what’s going on when we’re next to our man but we will never, ever, understand why guys are so irrational and comatose when they’renext to a woman, or her breasts, that you love or care for. Just why? Probablu because he’s not that into you.
The rational way to analyze and proceed in a relationship is to dip your toe in the water, smell each other, listen to each other’s voices, socialize, get your instincts going, eat together…and this only takes maybe a couple weeks or the total of five dates to have enough data to make the decision.
Do I want to have sex with this guy and allow some emotional bonding or not? Whether women admit it or not, our brains are programmed to emotionally bond. It’s kind of obvious.
It is forever lost on me why men can’t be more rational about their feelings. Women have evolved to be objective and subjective. We tend to be balanced for the sake of our children.
There are plenty of brilliant women that can do the math, science, tech, blah, blah, blah, blah, like it’s such a big deal. No…it’s not. It’s pretty easy for us. Dealing with you guys and not having to have our defenses up when you freak out over how you feel is what is not easy for us. Living with you is not easy for us. I don’t think I can do it anymore.
Please try to be more subjective, more empathic, more understanding of other people and women who are different than you. We are not men nor do we want to be nor do we need to follow you around doing guy stuff. We can balance being objective with being subjective and we ask the same of you.
Protected: Essay; The Honest Middle Ground
Protected: Essay; 10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love
Protected: Essay; Are you a Dog or a Cat Socially?
Protected: Essay; A Woman’s Ego
Essay; Friendship First When Dating
…or you can be sure she/he is using you for sex, which is what she assumes is the main thing you want and you both go down together. No one’s life is improving there.
If it’s what you both want I guess it’s fine but it’s not what I want. I’ve decided I want the whole deal again.
It’s a good idea right off the bat to be honest about what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who just want sex and not a relationship also! You can also pay for a woman’s services and they will be professionals, fit, limber, lingerie, come-fuck-me-heels, ready to go for a price! They are the ones who are cynical about men and have given up on love and have no faith in men to be intelligent, relational, human beings.
Every woman has given up on men at some point on a heart level but not all of us can do that to our bodies. It’s toxic energy but many men are actually at the level and staying at that level. I’m not in denial about it. I don’t think it will be good sex, but, hey, everyone has their standards.
I don’t shame men anymore either. I actually believe it’s men’s natural level to be absolutely shallow about sex and natural for women not to be. The much bigger deal to them is friendship and caring. Sex is easy for men and they’ve been shamed for it, unjustly. Women aren’t shamed for being relational or wanting to have children which all comes naturally to us! We need to stop sex-shaming everyone! So there is absolutely no point of lying and using a good woman who wants friendship, to get to know you as a person, to be with you, and possibly the whole deal.
Protected: Essay; Friend-Zoning in Relationships
Essay; A Woman Changing Her Body Size
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Essay; Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today
This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.
Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women
This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;
“Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.
It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”
Comment by anon;
“It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.
Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.
Synchronicity is the Source of Consciousness 
“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.
These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.
I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.
By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”
I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.