Category: women

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Essay; Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today


Expansion-Paige Bradley
The sculptor is Paige Bradley

 

This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.

Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women

This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;

“Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.

It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”

Comment by anon;

“It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.

Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.

“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.

These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.

I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.

By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”

I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.

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Essay; Misconceptions About Strong Women


load the star

Strong women have been broken and usually ripped to shreds and used by family, death, life, employers, and the opposite sex and don’t sink to the bottom, use others cynically or crack up. They remain open, brave, active warriors on this very difficult planet that says “Love” all the time but doesn’t do it. They do it and it bears fruit. They understand that forgiveness is for their good, not the abuser and they don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.

The misconceptions are:

We are independent, not interdependent

We are not usually independent we are interdependent. Interdependent means we depend on others and they depend on us. We count on the people we live and work with to do self-care also so we can depend on them when we need them. We take care of ourselves so they can depend on us when they need us. This creates trust and function. It’s called adult reciprocity.

It’s harder for a man to live or bond to us

It’s impossible for a weak man to even get our attention. We are attracted to strong, self-contained men and there aren’t very many to choose from. What is weak? Poor health, poor looks, poor hygiene, drug addiction, poor social skills, bad teeth, poor finances, wears a baseball cap all the time, wears a suit all the time, wears sunglasses all the time, hides behind religion, cares about his orgasm more than mine, looking for a hook-up, no relationship skills, doesn’t respect women or to spend friendship time with one, believes women have their place, feels women are too controlling.

It’s exceptionally easy for a good, strong, interdependent man to live or bond with a strong woman because she’s trustworthy. Is he? She’s always there for herself and others so she’ll be there for you. You can’t really take advantage or get one over on her and she has no time to control you because she’s busy controlling her own life. Sounds sexy to me.

We need others less than most people

The truth is we really struggle to find women who aren’t jealous or won’t compete with us, who love and like us and care about our struggles and weaknesses and who haven’t sacrificed themselves lock, stock, and barrel to a spouse or family or latched themselves to a partner that defines them. We have fewer friends than most people because we tend to be dissed by most women and men so the truth is, we need people more. We also tend to invest a large amount of energy in our work.

We’re high maintenance

We are high maintenance for ourselves, not for others. Egotistical women are high maintenance. Strong women expect the most from themselves, not from others. We don’t usually expect anything from others unless they love us, understand us or offer. It’s very rare that anyone does. We’re actually the lowest maintenance person because we take care of ourselves…all the time. We actually have no choice given our values of integrity and how broken we’ve been by being kind to those that hate themselves and are looking to get, get, get, and take, not give.

We’re bitches

Strong women are confident, kind and liberal. They are not cruel and controlling. Strong women are the most loving, kind, empathic, considerate people I know and because we’re not centered in ego, others think we’re foolish or chumps. Wrong. Egotistical women are bitches and sit in their woundedness, getting revenge when they can. That’s weak. There is nothing worse on the planet than a cruel, foolish, ignorant woman. Strong women want to empower others and themselves with their work and believe in the gifts of the spirit.

We’re selfish

If you define selfish with a capital “S” then we are always working to be sitting in our Higher Self. We won’t let negativity, resentment, the past, and followers bring us down or dissuade us from our mission. We tend to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Selfish with a small “s” are usually women still stuck in their adolescence developmentally for whatever reason. It’s important for men to think about their previous relationships and decipher whether she was selfish and not project that onto a strong woman.

Strong women spend a lot of time alone because we need to replenish our energy from the joy of giving to others and taking care of ourselves at the same time. Most of us are never lonely and enjoy being single. That is the case for me. We welcome friends or partners that won’t compete, be jealous, try to put their thumb on us or break our backs to make themselves look bigger but we usually do end up alone while everyone climbs the human dog pile to see if they can get to the top and snag the trophy that means nothing to us.

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Essay; a middle-aged, healthy woman gives up nothing during sex; she gains.


zoosk

This article is so interesting as far as the male psyche goes. I had to read several sections a few times to understand it and I still need to mull it over.

Men Lose Respect for Women With Whom They Have Sex

“Some men and many women have been socialized into thinking that the woman gives up something during sex. This speaks to the male’s vision of conquest. He believes that he has said or done something to make the woman give in to him. He knows his true intentions are less than honorable, and so he projects his own internal sense of unworthiness onto the female by saying it is she, not him, who is worthless, easy, fast, desperate, stupid, etc. for falling prey to his advances. This kind of thinking completely strips the woman from having any natural right to her sexual desires and her choice to act upon such desires.” Butbthe men are always free to?

The men don’t always say it’s the woman. My date felt guilty about himself because we were extremely lusty with each other. I never feel guilty about my body or sex so he was alone in that.

But that last sentence is not something I’ve ever allowed but always wondered why my attitude wasn’t going anywhere. The energy would just fall flat so it seems it’s true. We are not empowered as women ruling over our own body yet, fully by societal rules.

I’m dating on Zoosk again, having learned a few things the first time around with middle-aged men. I’ve had two bizarre dates in one week.

The nice part was both men were very good looking, showed up, and we had good talks. The matching theme was they were both still hung up emotionally on past women and felt the woman broke their heart. They barely had anything good to say about her and blamed her for the end of things.

I didn’t stand a chance to even start anything with either one of them. So why did they date me? One was just to talk and the other was horny and wanted sex. Usage.

This was months or years ago and they hadn’t gotten over it. I’ve always conjectured that men get far more emotionally attached in a steady relationship with a woman but my experience with these men proves it. Guys are squishy!

The second thing is they tend to feel guilty about their sexuality probably because it’s so easy for them to just f*k and not be emotionally involved at all or so society says. I think they deplore themselves to a certain extent just because it so natural to them.

I’ve even conjectured that men prefer to have sex with bad, cruel women because it’s a turn on for a man with low self-esteem which is many of them. They’re not really attracted to happy, lovely women.

The younger men who are looking for a mate and mother for his children will look for a woman like that to marry because she is acceptable to his family but then choose a racier, wild woman on the side.

It serves his desire for novelty. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife, it’s that she’s too busy with the kids to be sexually deviant, to keep him entertained, and may not be a lusty type of woman.

Third, they were both pretty depressed, not happy campers. They both hinted at being lonely and talked about their kids and family far more than I did.

I am the opposite of all of that so none of that sits well with me with a guy. Now that I think of it, every man I’ve been married to or dated has told me he’s depressed. It’s an epidemic. Not so with women. Women tend to be happy or know how to make themselves happy. I’m happy generally speaking and doing very well single.

“Women are perceived as being a threat simply because of their desirability. One facet to explore would be that the male ego is built upon a need or a drive to conquer, to expand, to be strong, to be dominant, etc and in the end, it is the female whom the male inevitably feels weak to.”

This quote applies directly to a good friend that I really like and am attracted to who is out of state. He’s as much as said this and I’ve been confused by it for ten months.

The last thing I’ve ever tried to do with a man is to control him. I don’t have time or desire to conduct a man’s life yet he keeps saying women are so controlling. Which woman?

What kind of women has he been in a relationship with? Weak ones with no life and no ambition, no dreams, no brains? Co-dependent ones? I’m looking at that far away in the rear view mirror.

“Men are quite aware of how much we mean to them and this need for us can easily be misconstrued as being a weakness. So what do men do about their weakness? What do they do about things that they feel are beyond their wilful control? They try to deny their vulnerability while forcing their will. Thus women have many rules, stigmas, religious guidelines and laws to ensure that we are kept in a psychological position of subservience. It is no secret that most men do not like to even think of the woman of their affection being with another man. (possession) Fear causes men to manipulate women into denying their feminine desires which in turn causes us to feel guilty and sinful for certain behaviors.”

Nope. Not happening in my world. My male friend has been trying to keep me on a hook in just this way although he would never admit it. We both love each other as friends, spoken! We are both very hot for each other…spoken! We both want to have sex…spoken! But now he says he won’t go there with me because he “never does relationships”.

Yes, he has. He told me he’s had two serious relationships with a woman. He’s friend-zoned me but I may have done it first frankly after he cavalierly said, “We can get a room.” The friend zone may as well be the “Twilight Zone” as far as I’m concerned unless I consider him my gay friend even though he presents very straight.

Well, I believe him based on what he’s told me and the fact that he’s never been married. I don’t know what’s going on. The short of it is, we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other that we’re not ready to go there yet. I’m cool.

I’m leaving it to lie and getting what I need from other men. I’m not staying on his hook but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. But I won’t be controlled or denied sexually. No way no how. That’s an empowerment issue for me. Women need sex more than men! Men need relationships more than women to deveop some skills.

I don’t know if men in the U.S. think this way. I hope not. I do believe we’re coming to a more equitable sense of responsibility as consenting adults. The exception would be the religious men; Christians, who continue to want to be married and “take care of” a woman.

This all needs to drop away. My last date was a Christian and he had no conception whatsoever of my humanity and conceiving of me as an independent woman taking care of myself. It was lost on him.

We’ll see. Dating is a conundrum. And indirect digital dating is a rabbit hole of illusion and AI. 🙄

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Essay; The Way It Works is…


man and woman

My intuition has taught me…

Talking is easy for women and sex is not. Sex is not superficial for us.

Sex is easy for men and talking is not. Talking is not superficial for men.

Women need sex to grow. Men need talking to grow. Make sure you each have what you need the way you need it. Men love a woman they know they can talk to honestly. Women love a man they know cares about their body and physical health and happiness.

If a man wants to talk to you or keeps calling you to talk he’s probably in love with you, especially if you haven’t had sex yet. Remember, sex doesn’t mean anything to men. They don’t bond through sex the way women do unless they have a mental and heart connection to you.

If a woman wants to have sex with you but not talk all the time she’s probably in love with you or at least loves you. Remember, women talk all the time. It’s superficial to us. Talking doesn’t mean anything to us. The body does; sex does. We bond through sex whether anyone realizes it or not.

A man who doesn’t want to have sex with you but wants to talk doesn’t want you to bond to him. He just wants to feel fake bonded to you like a fantasy. That’s actually epidemic right now. It’s offloading to use women to talk and then not have sex with them. He’s probably getting superficial sex elsewhere or is gay.

Men don’t deserve to be beaten up for being superficial about sex any more than women should be punished for being superficial about talking. Sex is a male conversation which they can be superficial about or deep. The same is true for women, talking, and connecting. But both sides need to have their needs met. If you use each other there will be karma.

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Essay: Permission


Sheldrake on Science

Today is August 22, 2026. I wrote this 7 years ago.

Who gives you permission to be who you are and act as you wish?

The people who live with you? Your boss? Your mate? Your parents?The government? The Church? The Bible or some other religious book?

“We do have laws that come from all of our governments. They are called The State.

The two offshoots of The State are THE CHURCH and SCIENCE. Those two dogmas are essentially equal siblings that like to fight for transcendence over THE TRUTH. Neither one of them is going to win but they definitely kiss the parental butt of money and political power bequeathed on them from Big Daddy, The State.”-ME

The State

The State has always worked cooperatively with the Church and Science to keep the masses corralled. Keep that in mind as you watch TV and use social media.

Don’t waste your time reacting to politics. It’s all controlled by the media and whoever is above the President. They are excellent at mind control and crowd control as well as manipulating our feelings.

Because of the above fact, in no way can we trust that we’re getting any real disclosure from any institution. So it would be a poor choice to need any permission to be who you are, create what you want and need to create from any of those folks.

This is why the preponderance on creative self is so important. They do allow a few outliers as long as they don’t become too famous and the rest of you view us as freaks.

Humans love to see and hear what others create and it’s extremely empowering for all of us to express how we feel, move our bodies, paint, tell stories and engage with one another as co-creators.

State Money and Politics as Power

The worship of money and power stunts all of that and it’s bad for the planet. The healthcare industry is in the VICE GRIP of The State.

Just today, I’ve gotten 10 health insurance robocalls from within my area code. That’s harassment to comply with the social order. I refuse to buy health insurance because I’m holistic and choose to spend my money on MYSELF. I’m not supposed to be doing that. I’m supposed to be oppressed, take their pills, get sick and die like everyone else. I’m non-compliant and treat myself as a holistic doctor.

I recommend boycott no matter how much they nag and coerce you to spend money on health insurance. They’re not getting squat from me or millions of other holistic folks. Cash is Queen.

Permission

Permission to act comes from within you and I promise you, the Universe has your back. I’ve literally experienced it thousands of times. People may help you some but they will never have your back. You have to rely on yourself. We are free to work out the specifics of our destiny in these bodies of ours. You must be methodical and smart about your plan; not dramatic and reactionary. The over-emoting and holding onto the past is going to waste your time on this planet. Just get busy and give yourself permission to be the main actor in your life. The rest is mostly an illusion. Have fun!

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Essay: Define “Lover”. No Possession? No Territory?


3 nested hearts

It’s a friendship middle ground where men are still free to roam and women are still free to roam emotionally and physically also because we don’t need the ego validation of being the center of someone’s world or possession. In fact, the last thing I want is someone to need me that much. I have work to do It’s dependency!

We should all take care of ourselves. Otherwise, it seems to me you’re still looking for a mommy or daddy. We all need to get over that. That, and I really need to sleep alone and roll around in my queen bed. I suppose a remedy could be a King bed. I’ll consider it.

So, speaking as a woman, I will have friendship feelings for you during sex and that’s all, unless I’m in love with you. I think that’s the biggest and best connection you can have with a man. You’re friends!

Yes, I will love you as my friend. How can love be any better than that? And I would make it clear to a man that in no way are there strings attached physically but we have a friendship agreement. That is all.

There will be no use or just sucking sexual energy from the woman and dumping her like a hooker. That’s a hookup. Women who do that to men should not do that either if you want a lover. Friends don’t use each other.

So, it really is in the woman’s purview to make sure you really feel like you have some type of friendship with a guy before you have sex with him. I don’t think guys know how to create that. You would never have sex on a first date if you seek lovers and friends.
Obviously, every woman and man is different in how they might define it. I also find it doubtful that a man would call a woman he has sex with his lover but he should. He would say “girlfriend” because I think men tend to be more territorial over a woman’s body than we are with them.

But to a woman who is a free spirit that is too heavy on the territory and social obligation. There is no way I want a boyfriend or a husband which is almost the same thing minus the paper.

Women that are busy, work, have projects, business and ideas in no way need or want to invest most of their time in a relationship. I’m not going to babysit or be nursemaid to a man. I don’t need to or want to. I want us to be friends as equals; no possession.

A lover is not friends with benefits because sex with warmth, love, and friendship is real sex which is a very big deal to a woman. It’s not just a benefit you’d receive like a job benefit.

There is no territorial or legal claim, no possession. You actually dig each other and each other’s bodies and sexual energy. That’s it. No obligations.

You usually agree you can have another lover if desired. In order to leave it out of hookup territory let’s say only one other lover. It’s not polyamorous which is hookup defecation sex.

That’s a lover. It’s not a hookup with a stranger, not defecation sex, you’re not just friends although that’s included, you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, there are no social contracts, and you don’t want or need marriage or a relationship to corral, define, or control you or continue to play out your family of birth psychodrama.

It’s empowering for a woman who has her own life. As dramatic, territorial and emotional as men get about sex and the body, they don’t usually like this setup. Again, it’s similar to the way my young son got when I was talking on the phone to someone else. Jealous.

Well, take it or leave it because I won’t be possessed by any man absent real love which is usually quite fickle or non-existent for them. Men and women in a relationship need to become more equal or don’t feign a relationship at all.

What totally changes all of this is sincere emotional bond which I have not experienced with a man because most of them don’t understand mature, emotional expression. They communicate through revving car and motocycle engines, fire, guns, and blowing stuff up and we’re supposed to understand it.

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Women Feel the Need to be Like a Colorful Male Bird? But That’s the Males Job in Nature? Why are women doing it?


I don’t. But many women don’t like to be ignored. Kind, smiling, pretty, plain women are preferred by a husband for marriage (hurrah!) But when it comes to fun, sex, and money, because of the sexual objectification of women, men prefer novice, meanness, titillation, color, and bitchiness. Maybe it’s latent homosexuality. Maybe they are looking for a colorful MAN.

Women are just actors in men’s psychodrama and it’s important for women to see that if they want to choose to lead authentic lives and play no role for anyone. Some men see women as human beings but most don’t. They can’t because we’re more human than them and rival them in a myriad of ways. That’s not something that they can psychologically handle.

In many cultures, men are free to have a wife and a mistress so they can have the status they need and basically have their cake and eat it too. Then the women can choose whichever role they prefer to play for the man as long as patriarchy continues. Women put on all the colorful makeup and clothes, along with gay men.

In nature, the males are bigger and more attractive, dance around and are colorful. The females are just…great the way they are and the colorful men pursue them and show off. I certainly see that with Bruno Mars and the Hooligans. They’re adorable to me! I don’t know what the guys think. I know quite a few women who think they are some fancy birds dancing around and showing their stuff. Most females do love it. That is nature.

But I wonder why our society is topsy turvy, where the women feel the pressure to be colorful; LIKE MEN? I shunned public performance because I’m very feminine and come across shy. I’m not shy with a man one on one…at all. But my nature is female! Why would I want to draw a ton of attention to myself? I do get courted by men.

I notice the women on the news are expected to be very aggressive in their tone of voice and buff. Patriarchy essentially means men want men because they feel they are superior to women. Women are viewed as defective by men that cling to patriarchal misogyny…and football. Many men don’t, I know. So women are only desirable if they’re more like a man. That means the man is essentially homosexual. I’ve never heard anyone suggest that but I see it. He prefers males or women that are aggressive or bitchy. Gag me.

Just throwin’ this out there. Women who succeed in public are either very assertive, aggressive or a lesbian. IN NATURE, that is a preponderance of testosterone which is alpha male. Beta women that don’t want to act like a guy are ignored, except by the beta males who are trolls, nerd, artists, and freaks (women are all of that too). It now suggests the issue of alpha vs. beta.

It might be the omega for us.

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Essay; Women Feel the Need to be Like a Colorful Male Bird? Yes.


I don’t. But many women don’t like to be ignored. Kind, smiling, pretty, plain women are preferred by a husband for marriage (hurrah! Sarcasm) But when it comes to fun, sex, and money, because of the sexual objectification of women, men prefer novice, meanness, titillation, color, and bitchiness.

Women are just actors in men’s psychodrama projection. It’s important for women to see that if they want to choose to lead authentic lives and play no role for anyone. Some men see women as human beings but most don’t. They can’t because we’re more human than them and rival them in a myriad of ways. That’s not something that they can psychologically handle in their ego.

In many cultures, men are free to have a wife and a mistress so they can have the status they need and basically have their cake and eat it too. Then the women can choose whichever role they prefer to play for the man (to use him of course) as long as patriarchy continues. Women put on all the colorful makeup and clothes, along with gay men to get attention their ego needs.

In nature, the males are bigger and more attractive, dance around and are colorful. The females are just…great the way they are and the colorful men pursue them and show off to get their attention. I know quite a few women who think they are some fancy birds dancing around and showing their stuff. In nature the males do that, not the females.

But I wonder why our society is topsy turvy, where the women feel the pressure to be colorful; LIKE MEN? I shunned public performance because I’m very feminine and come across shy. I’m not shy with a man one on one…at all. But my nature is female! Why would I want to draw a ton of attention to myself? I do get courted by men but not men that I like. That’s troublesome. It’s because I don’t strut myself like a male bird. It’s a boys club, patriarchy, and alpha men like male attributes.

I notice the women on the news are expected to be very aggressive in their tone of voice and buff. Patriarchy essentially means men want men because they feel they are superior to women, or wish thwy were. Lol.

Women are viewed as defective by men that cling to patriarchal misogyny…and football. Many men don’t, I know. He prefers males or women that are aggressive or bitchy. Gag me. That’s the alpha way and obviously, I’m beta. No alpha man has ever pursued me and won’t. I guess beta men like beta women. I’m just throwin’ this out there.

Women who succeed in public are either very assertive, aggressive or a lesbian. IN NATURE, that is a preponderance of testosterone which is alpha male. Beta women that don’t want to act like a guy are ignored, except by the beta males who are trolls, nerd, artists, and freaks (women are all of that too). It now suggests the issue of alpha vs. beta. I believe our society is moving toward the rise of the betas.

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Essay; Compromise With a Partner You Value


man and woman talking

There is much talk lately about never sacrificing yourself in an intimate relationship with a lover or a partner. I agree that it never works to lie or to give up so much of your time and what you want and need to do with your body and energy that you become very unhappy.

I’m single, dating, totally getting healthy and feeling my goddess core after having been to hell and back with men and babies dying; four altogether. I have a wonderful son who is twenty-seven. He’s a fabulous man and trying to figure it out as we all did.
As I look for a new partner at the age of fifty-six the landscape and reason for mating is completely different and has completely changed. The younger men don’t even hesitate now to let me know of their interest and I actually really like younger men…as lovers and friends. They are far more open-minded and less biased. But as a mate?

It seems to me that mating is now more about friendship, cooperation, and helping one another for the second half of our lives. The libido is there and there has to be an attraction but in no way is sex the same because I can’t get pregnant.

It’s a big deal and huge incentive to stay mobile, hip, and sexy. As you age you really do need more help, more muscle, and a helpmate for different reasons instead of raising children.

However, there is a big difference now between giving something up of my single life habits in middle age and the sacrifice for my family in my youth. You realize this might be your last hurrah with mating love; real love; not love based on societal marriage and children which is based on family norms and proscribed roles.

Love in middle age is completely free. No one has to approve of you because you’re going to have children together. You’re not going to merge immediate families necessarily. You can if you want, I suppose just out of habit, but there is no obligation to.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; at all. There are no expectations on any front because you don’t share DNA with children.

When you value someone’s presence in your life, you let go of a habit or activity and compromise because you want to not because you have to. So there is no more sacrifice. It can be unconditional love.

The fact of the matter is, when you have a spouse and children, you HAVE to do certain things. There is no choice whether you like it or not.

Honestly, becoming a parent does require sacrifice which is very worth it, is extremely hard but it ends and many people are left alone in their house. Some people hate it. I love it!

I really enjoyed having a family but I love my own life too and have been pondering whether I’d want to give up pieces of it for a new mate.

I’d be willing to adjust if I really loved and valued my partner and knew that we were reciprocating. There is no way I’d fall into my old role of jumping when he needed me, jumping when my son needed me, cooking when they’re hungry. Nope.

Once in a while, I might but not if I don’t feel like it. There would also be much more space in our togetherness because you really do treasure your alone time after you’ve had a family. The quiet is really priceless.

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Essay: So, The Men Are Just Being Friendly


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Essay; With No Contact, The Attraction Wears Off


zoosk

I believe studies have shown this about women. The initial hormone high of attraction falls away if there is no contact, no talking (hearing his voice), you don’t see him and you receive no communication. That has been the case here. Because I’m intuitive, that has all kicked in very strong and I recommend following your intuition to women when it comes to these situations. Reason being, your body, and brain send certain signals based on ancestral DNA and successful reproduction in terms of sexual attraction and your soul intuition sends another. It’s unfortunate that the two are not always on the same track but I can tell you they are not.

I texted him and left one call regarding my Zoosk account getting hacked and being paused. I have heard nothing back. If a man isn’t as active on the account after he meets you, that’s a sign that he’s focused on you, but he was back on and not contacting me directly. Then I assume he was out in the alley again but I don’t know for sure. Ok! I wasn’t. I was watching him. What I know about men is, if they have not had sex with you and they don’t think they’re going to have sex with you in the immediate future, they have absolutely no motivation for communicating with you past the first date.

There is no way two people can value each other as human beings after only one date or even a couple dates! That means women, that even if you wait for a couple dates to have sex with him, there is no way you’re setting a tone for a relationship, love, or bonding to happen and he will continue to be an alley dog, learning nothing, and finding any b…. he fancies online who will give it to him quickly. That is men’s nature.

They are not to be judged for that. I’m making the point that if you want something different and he seems like a man to reproduce with or love, you cannot have sex with him right away. He needs self-discipline, not indulgence. If he shows no interest then and moves on, just because you wouldn’t have sex, he was not your reproduction type anyway.

And usually, a man will say up front that he IS looking for a relationship which could mean several things. Mostly, he may want children and a home. Men want that too. Just know that he will be a softer, more domesticated type and not as virile.

My situation is somewhat different because I’m not looking for a man to reproduce with. However, it’s the same in that I only want bonded sex, not alley dog sex. I need love with a man to be turned on and that is absolutely how I’m wired.

I’m monogamous and want a lover but I don’t like marriage. I know who I already love and who I want to share myself with for the second half of my life; my twin flame. But he’s not communicating with me very much or at least he’s not initiating at the moment and lives 1800 miles away.

For me, it’s a matter of being patient because I know what’s going on with him. What I can tell you is that he is very strong in my psychic, etheric space and that really counts with Twin Flames. So why am I on Zoosk? I’m testing myself and the energy. I also want to hang out and date to be social. I like men.

man and woman talking

Another thing about women is our sexual interest has everything to do with a man’s voice and how he talks to us. It just is. This is huge for men to accept if any of you are reading this. Maybe women are different on this but I don’t think so. I think all women are very strongly affected by the tone of voice and sincerity of voice from a man. We can tell when you’re lying which is most of the time.

If you are an honest man and tell the truth, that is very sexy and very impressive. My male friend in another state who I text and talk with said to me, “We lie because it works!” I said, “No it doesn’t! We can always tell and then you come down a few notches to us and have less chance of sex with us.” He must be referring to lying working on women that aren’t too bright. Don’t get me started on that.

It’s a good thing I really love my single life and have made a life for myself. Dealing with men is really so much gaming and brain mush. My Zoosk fellow is still up north for the week working. The weather in Michigan has been “stay off the roads!”. He told me he would be gone for a week after our first date. Maybe when he’s done with his project he’ll contact me. I honestly don’t care that much and have no emotion invested in him because he’s not talking to me.

Men are unpredictable. I still think he’s super cute but we’ll have to have a second date and see how the vibe is since he wouldn’t talk to me all week. And maybe I’m not that interested now. I’m unpredictable too. This is the dance we do. Just don’t chase him, women! Let him come to you.

Again, think of a dog and how you’d deal with one. My son’s father is the one that made me accept that visual. I would never suggest that about men but that’s because I’m idealistic. Now that I’m middle-aged I’m realistic.

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Essay; Just Because Someone Desires You Doesn’t Mean They Value You


zoosk

(This post has gotten 50 views and only 1 like! People don’t want to hear it but actually, we need to discuss it. I’m not saying I’m 100% right here. It’s just my perception.)

This is especially true for women and men doing the dating game. Just because a man or woman desires you, which is the easiest thing in the world for men, to simply want to f* a woman, take her sex energy from chakras 3, 2, and 1 (stomach/power, abdomen/feelings, and reproductive area/sexual energy down to the feet/grounding) and nothing else, doesn’t mean he values you or ever will.

If he valued you or wanted to he would care about who you were in chakras 4, 5, 6, 7 (and above if you’re a lightworker). That is your heart and feelings/4, how you express yourself and your creativity/5, your visions and dreams/6, and your beliefs and spirituality/7 and above. (see image at the bottom)

just because someone desires you.

A young woman has to find out what the status is there because he might be a father to her children which means he has to stick around for 10-15 years which is generally as long as a family lasts. Then most parent’s divorce.

Women have to be the ones who decide. Anyone who suggests that you can “feel” all the vibe you need on the phone or text and tell by their voice whether they “check your boxes” is factually incorrect. If a woman says that to a man, she’s kissing his ass to try to get laid. She’s wrong and unethical.

Most men are very turned on when a woman is attracted to them or wants them sexually because that means she may very well give him that sexual love. Again, that is love for men.

However, men don’t really “give love” when they have sex, they take which is nature really. They give sperm but not the energy “of love”. Women need to give their sexual energy actually and love a man by opening up her sexual energy, not just her nether regions. I think a lot of women actually take a man’s manhood just to have an orgasm and she doesn’t focus on opening her whole self during sex.

I actually put this post in the trash because of the next section. I had a reader ask me to restore it so I’m here to help. I trashed it because I have hard feelings about all of this and Spirit has been getting to me lately to wake up an issue for everyone. I’m about to post on it.

Men give us energy from heart, voice, being intuitive and tuned in. They really do show love for us when they listen to how we feel, communicate and pay attention.

And they actually need to give that for them to grow as people and women need to receive it. Valuing another person sexually and emotionally takes time. If you need the immediate gratification of sex, the valuing will never happen.

There is no possibility of hooking all those chakras so that you actually know the other person as a human being. Women understand that human, physical bond far more than men do which is why sex affects us emotionally whereas, for most men, it can just be a type of release of even defecation.

I find that repugnant and being aware of this is why I trashed this. It makes me very, very sad about men to know this. Why would you treat an act that can create a human life like defecation? Because you feel like your own life is shit? Life is a gift and time is precious.

There is no skirting around the fact that if a woman allows a man to draw out her sexual energy (3, 2, and 1) before he has shown that he values her as a human being, you’re using each other. If you give a man an inch, he’ll take a mile when it comes to a woman’s energy.

Men need our physical energy far more than we need theirs. What does that tell you? Women are more powerful than men and it’s time for women to OWN IT and be accountable instead of playing the victim. We don’t need men as much as they need us and that makes them very vulnerable.

Personally, I’m at a point where I just want to be trustworthy with myself. I’m not at all sure a vulnerable man should trust me and they can probably feel it. I’m not willing to give my emotions and sex energy to a man who I don’t believe is capable of loving me (which is most of them) in which case, I won’t be turned on, in which case there is no point of sex.

Women give away their feelings and sex energy all the time and get nothing in return that really matters. I can’t do that. I’m smart enough to see the real deal and it’s not an even playing field at all.

It’s starting to feel like my back is against a wall with my Twin Flame. It’s either him or no one and the thought of living the last half of my life alone is not something I can accept.

As usual, the Universe via my intuition is going to need to guide me. I’m a human being like everyone else and have needs and desires. Unfortunately, I can’t indulge in it like everyone else and get away unscathed. It completely screws up my Qi to be out of my integrity with Spirit, though sometimes I still try to see what will happen.

the-12-chakra-system2

Traditionally;

Crown is 7th chakra, Third Eye is 6th, Throat is 5, Heart is 4, Solar Plexus or stomach is 3, Sacral is 2 and Root is 1.

The navel is the Dantien area or ancestral Qi that attaches through your mother at birth. Chakras activated above the crown are done through meditation and below the root, or Earth Star may be for people training in shamanistic healing. If you’re doing shamanistic training you really can’t mess around with sex that is not heart connected, in my opinion.